The other day I was looking at pictures from high school and thought out loud "wow, I was so small!!" My sister got irritated with me because I kept saying this and she was like "Becca, you're still small!!!" lol I wasn't looking at these pictures in longing (she thought I was saying I wished I was that skinny again), rather I looked at them in disbelief because during that time of my life, I thought I was huge. You probably just laughed out loud, and I am here laughing too, but I genuinely thought that. I thought I was unlikeable because of the size of my body. Not only that, I thought my smile was hideous and I always tried to hide it.
Now I'm not here to tell you that I am completely over those insecurities, and frankly I'm not sure I'll ever be completely over them—some days are just hard and other days I don't think about it. I am here to say though that the standard of bodies needs to change.
My boyfriend in high school would say things to me like "wow, you're looking really buff these days..." or "you have a nice butt, but you could probably work on it." Or how bout "you're basically perfect, except for your teeth." Lol really not okay right? Though I don't think he said those things to be malicious, they always stuck with me. It didn't help that he was also constantly cheating on me, so I constantly looked at myself and compared myself to other bodies. I looked through Victoria's Secret ads thinking I was just so big. I felt huge. And this body I once found pride in and praised for its victories in athletics, now was a body I was ashamed to look at. I started to look at my body differently and treat it likewise. Fitness was and is something that has always been important to me, but I used to look at fitness as not a way to take care of my body, rather to change it. I constantly took progress pictures and obsessed over how I looked and what I ate. "I'm not skinny enough, it's not working" and blah blah blah. I started lifting in tenth grade and this was a very good thing for me as it showed me what my body was capable of, and I loved being strong. But for years I fought between being skinny and being muscular.... (continued in a comment)