I’ve passed this bush every weekend for the last year or more, but only today really noticed it. And it’s not even a bush.
I’m trying to notice things more, to be more present in my daily life, but sometimes it’s hard. It’s hard to know how much is too much presentness, and I’m quickly tempted to wander back to my mind land of dreams. I like daydreaming and escaping to fictional fantasy, because there everything can be as I want it to be. Life there is simpler. Easier.
But of course, it’s not. “Why not make your waking life into the life you so fantasise about?” one might ask. “You mean aside from the fact that it’s hard?” I might respond, and so we’d wander that path forever and never reach a resolution. We’d both be right, too, which makes it ever so much more complicated.
It is hard, and it doesn’t happen over night, this making my life into what I want it to be. A lot of people tell me it’s not possible too, that all the things I’d want out of life are out of reach, or too selfish, or unreasonable. I’ve always been told I can’t, so I go to a place where I can, even if that place doesn’t technically exist.
I’ve been on a journey of change for over a year now. Looking from the outside I wonder whether people would say that much has really changed. But the outside is an expression of what’s on the inside, and what’s on the inside is bubbling and boiling in ways I never thought were possible. My thoughts and beliefs have changed and changing still. As those changes settle and replace the negative foundation that was there before them...well; I expect to flourish fancier than this fern friend here. And isn’t that saying something.