He loses win or lose.
I find it incredibly difficult being in a normal relationship. I mean I don’t find it difficult loving him, not one bit. However, the being with someone so much after spending so much time alone is something I’m still adjusting to. I love spending time with him but I also love spending time with me. It’s hard parenting with someone, I’ve been a flying solo mum for so bloody long and now I’m trying to let go of the reins and accept that firstly someone wants to be in my children’s life and secondly they’re not going to mess it up and leave.
I often get flashbacks when he does something that brings me right back to my past. His action is innocent but yet he gets the brunt of the flashback. He is the one reassuring and picking me back up if I’m totally floored. He is the one who I’m so ashamed to say has to try and not touch me when I’m asleep for fear of waking me up making me startled unable to breathe. That must be so hard for a man to not touch someone when it’s the most intimate time of the night.
He is the one dealing with my panic attacks and depression day in and day out even though it’s not coming from his actions.
He is the one dealing with the children when they are acting up because of something that’s happened elsewhere.
You see no matter how good his actions and intentions are he loses because he has to deal with the whole of me. The everything that comes with me. He loses, win or lose.
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