(Something I share at the beginning of the 3rd month each year):
March never meant much of anything to me. I always thought of it as one of the boring, winter months that you must endure to arrive at beautiful Spring and Summer.
All that changed for me in 2010, when my precious March girl was in my arms and just as quickly, she was gone...
March is marked by a sacredness. It holds the memory of a little flower 🌸 that danced into my heart and left me changed forever. When it comes, all the March memories of 2010 come flooding back.
The rest of the year, I catch myself wondering if I somehow dreamed all this up. For everything around me is the same as it was before Lily was here. That's how it is with infant loss.
As March makes it's entrance once again on the calendar, it becomes much easier to believe she was real. The bittersweet feelings envelope me. The veil of sadness returns. My body even feels it. The memories of the first half of March 2010, full of happiness and anticipation. The memories of the second half of March 2010, full of shock, heartbreak, and tears.
March will never be just another month for me. It will remind me of my firstborn babe, the babe I never fully got to know. The babe I will always wonder what might she be like *this* March, as we approach her birthday. Whether she be almost 5, 10, or 25. Would she have her own flower, her own babe in her arms this year, 20 years from now, to celebrate with us?
Each year, as March rolls around, it will mark another year that she wasn't here. Another year she wasn't growing and laughing and loving and a part of the family. Another year I've had to live without her.
March, the saddest, yet most beautiful month I know. It will always make me sorrowful, wondering who she would have become, yet it will always bring me joy, knowing that she *was* and *will forever be* in my heart and in Heaven.
Though she's not a part of the family in the way I wanted, she is still a part of each and every day, for she is etched into the very fabric of our lives. 💕3️⃣1️⃣6️⃣ #LilyKatherineAllenBall