It has occurred to me that healing is not something that happens and is done. It's not a destination you arrive to and that's it, the trip is over. A smile in a picture or a laugh through your day doesn't mean you're healed.
Healing is a process, a process of stages...much like grief, and at times includes grief as one of the stages.
People see you suffering via social media, in person...which ever it might be. Then moments later, your suffering was a fleeting moment in their day. But not for you, you keep suffering...keep working through your stages of healing.
I felt like I was fine, I'm strong...this too shall pass, yada yada. Then 6 weeks later I meet my newest nephew, and I could hardly hold him. My heart hurt, my womb hurt...I couldn't "betray" my loss by holding another baby even tho I loved him. I healed a little more and got "better". Over the last 6 months, I've struggled with hormone imbalance...basically since the miscarriage I haven't been right. Every day I'm in pain is a reminder of my loss. But I heal a little more each day.
Yesterday was my due date. We spent the day hosting a cookout for our gym family. The date is another reminder. This weekend my sister comes home to visit. The last time she came home, we announced our pregnancy...just to have to make those phone calls of the loss weeks later.
The point is, you don't just heal and BOOM you're healed. Healing is a process, one that never ends...you just evolve around what burdens you. That hurt, that demon...it scabs over and you build on top of it.
Don't ever let anyone tell you how long you get to heal...because some wounds never will.
#healing #serhumano #loss #strongerthanyesterday #onedayatatime #infantloss #miscarriage #awareness #guera #inmyfeelings #inmyowntime #digitaldiary