Graduation is on June 1st in my school and then we go to Washington D.C. for a field trip and it's going to be hot which means I have to show my big...fat...legs....gosh I'm so fucking fat and disgusting I just want to cut off all my fat...starve to death basically do anything to just be skinny for once and honestly I just can't find myself to do it... because I just know that no matter how fat or skinny I am...nobody will want me either way... cause I will never be good enough... and I just want to be enough .. wanted... useful.. For once... But bullies just show me that I will never be that... and then next year it's probably going to be worse... especially since my last bullies go to that school... everything will be like before and I'm honestly scared.. I don't want to feel scared anymore... I want to feel free from all this bullying... I just want to be left alone for once.. like I know I am fat, ugly, disgusting, hideous and everything in between..but... that doesn't mean I want or need to hear it.. But I Mean I used to stand up for myself and I sometimes do now... But I have just given up now... because although I'm standing up for myself... it just shows them that it does affect me.. that I do care about what they say... so I just ignore them or follow along... But that just makes it the same or even worse.. But I Mean what can I do right? It's not like I can say stop and they actually stop huh? And you're probably like "the school will help" but do they really? Is a "just ignore them" help enough? A "suspension" just enough? A "talk with them" just enough? No. You know why? Because all they care about is hurting you no matter what because they know you don't like it so they keep pushing you and pushing you until you finally give up... until they take power over you... or until you're dead... and I don't want that to be me... so I just stay quiet and let them day what they wanna say and if I want to cry I go to the bathroom or cry at home but don't I dare let them see me cry because that just means I'm weak. And do I want to show that to everybody? That I'm weak? No. So I suck it up and deal with it. But it's not always easy... I'm not always strong..