The last few Mother's Day mornings I have not gone to church. This morning is no different. Samuel is not with me today because God has blessed him with a pastor job now, and that means church on Sunday! These last few Mother's Day mornings have been my time to let myself FEEL. I don't often, anymore, let myself truly feel the depth of the pain of my infertility. I try to choose joy and hope instead. However, this day reminds me to my very core that I am not a mom. I don't have tiny baby cuddles, the intense love, the goofy moments, the hard moments, I don't have it. On these mornings I let myself cry and pray and ask God to bless me this coming year. I pray that my body begins to respond to all the changes I have made in my lifestyle. I pray that the doctors will begin to understand pcos. This year I am even praying for a child out there that might need a mom like me.
So, this morning, as I took this time for me...God gave me a wonderful gift. The words of Sam and I's wedding passage came to mind. Over 10 years ago, God led us to Romans 12:9-13 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality." I treasure this passage and think of it often, however this morning God showed me that, even 10 years ago, He was asking me commit to something very important - to be joyful in hope, to be patient in affliction, and to be faithful in prayer. He knew I would need to do this, He knew it would be the only way I would survive. I am so in awe of how God takes care of me. There are moments when I can't even handle how hard it is to not have a baby yet, but then God slowly and surely reveals a small part of His plan for me. What a gift.
Just the other day, I told Sam that I want a necklace that says "Joyfully Hopeful", and now I see why God led me to this wonderful statement. I want to be joyful in the hope that Christ gives me! #joyfullyhopeful #ttc #infertility #im1in8 #romans1212