I remember the evening vividly that I posted that photo in the purple strapless top. I said "For the first time ever, I feel like a MILF"
That's what I said. I looked at my photos and I knew in my mind I looked great. I had lost all the baby weight and got my pre-baby body "back".
And yet, I didn't FEEL confident. And you can literally see it in my eyes, my smile, my posture. I look like I'm holding back. And I was.
I told everyone I felt like I was bangin. But inside I was still the hot mess express. I still determined my worth based on WHO ELSE thought I was attractive. I still based my success on the markers that society placed for me.
And yet, even achieving those milestones, and standing there saying I was "fuckable" didn't make me feel any more LOVED.
And I continued this path for a while, about another year. It was destructive. Painful. And really fucking HARD. On everyone.
And I began to realize that I was not being the example I wanted for my children. The last thing I wanted was for them to need to be validated by others to know their worth and potential.
I wanted them to know it and believe it with such conviction that NO ONE could tell them otherwise.
But how could I teach that if every time someone gave me "advice" I was ready to change myself to fit in? Well the simple answer is - I couldn't.
And so I started pushing myself to question why I cared if people liked me, or found me attractive, or wanted to be my friend. And I started focusing on the things that felt right, and good, and easy, and purposeful. And when things got scary, I got scary honest with myself. And I continued to grow into my true soul, little by little. I failed forward SO HARD. I STILL do! And if you want to make a change in any area of your life, you will too.
You've spent your entire life believing the lies that society has embedded in you, it will take time...a lot of time, to unlearn that behavior and step into the women you've always been.
She's waiting for you, babe....we all are.
Just do you