If anybody even tries to whisper the word 'diet,' I'm like, 'You can go f*ck yourself.
I was overweight due to childhood trauma. Bottom line. Not blaming, not making excuses. If you know me, you KNOW this to be true. I'm quite a big believer in personal responsibility, HUGE, so it's very simply, a fact. Moving on to my current mindset. I'm done weighing myself. I'm done saying, "I'm a size 8, a size 10, a L, a XL." I'M ME. I'm not a number, or a size. I was me when I was 350lbs. I was me when I got down to 165lbs. I'm me now...I have NO idea how much I weigh, I know it's roughly between 165lbs and 350lbs. I also am kind of forced to know my size, cuz it's all over the freaking place on my clothes. But you don't need to know that number. I wish I didn't need to know it. It causes anxiety. How silly. I wish that when I met new people or interacted with the old people that I never even thought about the "numbers". Or ultimately, what the numbers mean. Because that's the other thing...I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful when I'm 350lbs. I'm beautiful when I'm 165lbs. I'm also pretty beautiful now...and I have no known numbers. The thing is that none of that is real. The numbers, what the numbers mean. It's all made up. I wasted SO MANY cumulative YEARS worrying about this crazy fallacy. I was always trying to be different, smaller. I had SURGERY to be smaller for goodness sake! By the way, my weight loss surgery is the best decision I EVER made in my life. So I am not knocking that. For ME, it was the tool that I needed. I'm also not saying if you are 350lbs: YOLO, enjoy, have fun, go crazy! No, that's not what I'm saying. Health is an entirely different issue. I'm talking about thinking about the numbers and how that affected my emotions. I have a virtual life coach, I'll write about that another time, she says "Your thoughts control your emotions". Well, I thought the numbers were super important, so I had lots of emotions around the numbers. This most recent time, as I've lost plus/minus 150lbs there were LOTS of great emotions! Continued in comments...