This was over a month ago.
You probably can’t tell, but I was depressed af.
I was in Australia, at the beach, my happy place number 1 and yet I couldn’t understand why I was still feeling so friggin low.
Every day was a struggle.
Getting out of bed was a struggle.
Putting on makeup was a struggle.
Convincing people that I was ok when I was not was a struggle.
Explaining why I didn’t want to go out was a struggle.
Just talking to people was a struggle.
Staying alive was a struggle...
I’m sitting here, overcome by emotions that I’m still here... in more than one sense.
I’m still here and I’m still here in Australia.
I was supposed to stay here for a month, I was just supposed to visit and see a counselor.
But then God happened.
And I’m still here.
Because he touched my heart and my mind and my chest and said ‘be free’ and I was free.
He said ‘stay’ and I did.
He said ‘how about you join the SBS (School of Biblical Studies) that’s been running for two weeks?’
I said ‘ok hold on, hold on, hold on. That’s crazy. I don’t know if I can do that.’
He said ‘you can. Because I’m bigger than all the obstacles you see in front of you’.
I said... ‘I’ll try...’
And I’m still here.
And oh boy am I tired... 😅
Turns out it is indeed a bit crazy to just stay in Australia for 9 months when you’re supposed to go back to Uni in Germany.
But I’m so grateful that I’m here & so much healthier.
I’m grateful for my family, for the people around me, for God’s word and that I get to study it every day.
The list is so much longer but God has been blessing me every step of the way and I’m still dumbstruck about everything that’s happened the past few weeks.
I don’t know why I wrote this now, I don’t know why I wrote this at all but this is what I know:
I’m still here... and it’s all because of God and his love and I hope you get to experience how much he loves you today.
#okgoodnightnow #needtosleep #storytimeisover #somerealtalkforyall #couldntevenbreatheunderallthefake #realrealness #nofilter #becausebeingrealyouknow #depression #iguess #mentalhealthisimportantmyfriends #counselingisthebest #godisgood #thankyoujesus #free #ocean #sea #beach #australia #me #selfie #♥️ #🖤 #🙃 #🌊