New Year's Eve.
Every year on this day I meet up with friends I don't normally see. What seems like a decade ago, we shared the experiences of a year abroad in Lesotho. Since then, our paths split in the most varying directions, but they cross at the end of every year, celebrating a new one to come. "How was your year", is one of the most popular questions when we see each other. So we get a glimpse of the other person's life, apart from major changes also the well thought through deep shit. Experiences that changed us, the people we met or the ones we left behind. A few of us got better this year, some worse. And yes, sometimes life seems like a lottery.
This year, we walked up the hills of the Olympia Park in Munich. After Sipho and I carried Anna up there cause she couldn't walk due to a surgery, our group stopped on top of the hill a minute before midnight. People were already literally firing away what they got. And for a minute I stood there, in the middle of this crowd, maybe five metres away from my friends, looking up to the sky filled with fireworks and I couldn't help but shout into this New Year's Eve sky "I fucking made it!". A year ago I thought I just ended the worst year of my life – then came 2017. There were parts of this year when I wasn't sure – and this was one of the most destructive feelings I ever had, that I am only fully able to understand because I went through it – if I would live to see 2018. I made it. Damn, guys, I fucking made it. Yes, some things were my fault, a lot of things definitely weren't and if I demand fairness in life I know I could jab myself in the stomach with a knife right away. There's no such thing as fairness in life. But there is strength and there is hope and there is this goddamn little something that I can't define that got me here. So yup, my answer to "How was your year", is a damn sad one. One that left rage, shock, tears, blankness on my friends' faces. But after all it was an answer I was there to give. And if I could make it through this year, I can make it through anything. Bye Felicia.
#2kdanceteen #byefelicia #newyear #firework #ifuckingmadeit #end #newbeginnings #depression #suicide #newhorizons