I try not to think of the past. If I did I'd be a mess all the time. I don't dwell on things I can't change. I have accepted many hard truths in my life. One being last year that my parents will never be who I want nor need them to be or even who they should be. I agreed to accept them for who they are and their flaws but I guess I fell under the misconception that they would accept me for who I am with all my flaws in return. I have recently learnt that even that was too hard for them. A final realisation that they are too unhealthy and triggering to be a part of my life. Although I severed the ambillical cord early on in my childhood, the residual borderline tie was there. That is also finally gone. After years of hard work. My only expectation remaining of them is that they will always disappoint me and that's a fact. Acceptance of that has made rejection irrelevant. They cant reject me if I don't want their acceptance.
So I was surprised to find myself here tonight for a brief moment wishing I could get through to them. But knowing how hard I and many others have tried and failed everytime. You can't educate someone who doesn't want to understand. U can't change someone's perspective of you if they have made up their mind on who and what you are and have decided to close the doors of their opinion being wrong.
I was listening to music. Oh how triggering it can be and thought of I could sing (I have no musical talent, my greatest regret, although if I could it wouldn't be fair on the rest of the world. If make a killer rockstar) I thought about when I was little and used to write my dad songs to sing to him and what I would write Now. There is one song I wish I could sing to him above all else. But they closed the doors to communication years ago. Maybe they were never open.
Here it is. Simple plan
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Can't pretend that
And you can't change me
Continue bellow ⬇⬇⬇⬇