N E W Y E A R 〰 N E W Y O U
I know it's been awhile since I've written a ~*serious*~ post or one that is remotely related to graduate school. I'm aiming to get better at that and use this space more wisely, but I wanted to take a moment and reminisce about the emotional rollercoaster that was 2017 and what creating this IG account has meant to me over the past year.
I originally created @phdbalance to be a space for sharing tips on productivity, work-life balance, and self-care for graduate students and busy people in general. I had the intention of staring a formal website and creating a zine series that helped others navigate how to eat, sleep, exercise, and learn how to actually live life outside the ivory tower. I also had the intention of creating a workbook on how to navigate some of the difficulties that come with being a graduate student.
I look back over the past year and I'm a little sad and disappointed in myself for not getting these things done. Like for many others, 2017 hit me hard. There were several moments when I felt like for every one accomplishment I had achieved, I had to endure at least ten failures. Ten times of being told no. Ten times of being rejected, my application denied or not being selected. Constantly hearing NO challenged me, my self-confidence, and frustrated me to no end. I know I have a bad habit of focusing solely on my failures, ignoring all that I have accomplished and forgetting about my triumphs.
In 2017, I started to find myself, got ass over teakettle lost, and felt scared and confused for a good six to eight months. I lived in complete fear of failing as a graduate student and was drowning in self-doubt. Instead of pushing myself to take action and change the situation, I found myself caught in a comparison trap. My imposter syndrome was off the charts. It made me question if I should even be giving advice to fellow graduate students because I clearly wasn't even following my own.
(Continued in comments. Art by @_lauraberger_ ).