Yesterday we were driving on our road home and Keoni said, "I just love how beautiful it is out here." and I agreed, but then asked if the fear of the creek feels like it steals all that excitement from him -- I've come to realize, that's what I'm battling daily. If it wasn't the every day fear of the creek rising again, I'd be more excited and accepting of everything we've gone thru since the hurricane. I finally said aloud what's been wrong...I've been letting that 2% chance of this happening again (and honestly, it's when, not if) steal every bit of my joy. Yes, it's devastating and yes, it will likely flood here again, but what about all the days it doesn't? What about the beautiful sunsets I get to watch out back? What about all the green growing wildly around? For the last 9 months I haven't been able to see or even think of any of that...I've been in a constant state of fear that's seeping into every area of my life (what if someone breaks into the rental and steals everything, what if the new house comes and it is damaged, what if what if what if). I know conquering any issue starts with acknowledging it...so that's what I'm doing today. I'm going to work every day to battle the fear and to see the beauty that's still around me and celebrate the 98% of what's good.
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