I was born in this place and I will die in this place.
No doubt about it.
It is only the question of how I will die.
Today. Tomorrow. In a week.
Will it be the bullet or starvation?
I do not know.
But I will die, that's for sure.
I was born nameless on a bare moorland.The trees do not provide protection against the cold wind.
My mother's milk does not fill my stomach. Just like the hay does not fill her stomach. Nor of our brothers and sisters.
There is no green, no life. No joy. No sound of an approaching spring. Because for joy, strength is needed. And we do not have that anymore. I watch all the animals that I encounter, with admiration. But also with a strange feeling. No one jumps, no one makes a noise. They are spiritless, reticent. They are saving everything that remains in their bodies to survive.
Every fiber in their body is near to exhaustion. Hankering for the approaching of spring, but that's so far away.
Far away. And while the powerfull wind from Russia ravages our bodies, I try to fantasize about what spring might be like.
My mother softly whispered it in my ear last night, while I silently layed next to her and heard her belly grunt, howling and screaming. From pain and from despair. But in her softly voice I heard hope.
Spring, sweet child, with your strong hooves. Your soul so pure.
That is the moment we are all waiting for.
Hoping for green. Longing for warmth.
The birds that fill the air with their spring clamour.
Spring is hope. Spring is new life.
But the next morning when I wanted to get up, my long legs were stiff because of the cold, my mother was quiet and hard.
She must be dreaming of spring. Or maybe she is already there.
I'm lying here on the bare moorland. I have never known anything else. And while the wandering animals slowly are passing me by, I know that spring will also be there for me.
They will all be there. The drowned deer with the big, dark eyes.
The choked horse, her slender neck clamped between the bare trees. The shot deer, with her wounds.
Again awakened. A new spring.
I hope it will not be in the same place. <3
Translated: Meredith Brown <3
Written by Eveline Wijngaard.