I had one of those awesome hormonal meltdowns a few nights ago. You know, the kind in which you know that you're being crazy and you feel embarrassed about your current crumpled state. You can say out loud, "This is ridiculous!" But you can't seem to stop the tears. And the thoughts about all the things keep raining down relentlessly like some unpredictable monsoon leaving you clinging white-knuckled to that last layer of roof shingles before it goes flying off, taking you with it. An emotional flood zone.
And my dear, sweet husband just lie there in bed next to me listening to my rant. I was mostly feeling pathetically sorry for myself for not being able to take my business where I want it to go because of my work-from-home status, my raising-a-toddler-and-growing-another-human condition. Scott asked me what my vision was - what were these goals that I wasn't reaching? I told him a series of financial goals, hiring goals, outsourcing goals, content-writing goals, publishing goals, on and on and on. And he listened. Then, when my sobs turned to more of a silent sniffle, he ever so gently challenged me saying, "But, honey, is that REALLY what you want? How would you be feeling right now if you were to THAT point."
I fought my urge to be defensive and sat there for a minute, allowing myself to sit in that world for a few minutes. My heart raced. I felt more aimless. I pictured myself spending more time behind a computer rather than spending time behind my camera with beautiful families telling tender stories. I looked up and I said, "You know, I think I would feel even more stressed. I wouldn't have as much time with Goose and I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with clients." And with that he just quietly nodded his head and said, "Maybe now isn't the time for growth. Maybe now is the time to keep doing what you're doing. Your clients love you and you make them happy. That's all that matters."
Deep breath. He's right. So, at least for now, I'm going to put my goals planner away and take this season one day at a time, sending up my thanks that I get to do what I love everyday.