Real Talk: my confidence as a person and a blogger has taken a serious tumble since getting injured in Feb. There is so much self doubt that has crept in. I question my writing skills, my fashion posts, my advocacy. Because all my time seems to be solely dedicated to the knee's recovery. Not like that's a bad thing, the improvements give me so much hope. But there have been days, hours of sitting alone with my thoughts where I just don't find it in me to post anything because I feel as if I have nothing valuable to say. The strange thing is, my personal fat acceptance, body positive journey is better than it ever has because I have worked endlessly at that. But I still struggle at self care on some days, preferring to disappear from social media because social media feels like a Monster of judgment and passive aggression. Which I know it isn't, if you wield it the right way but my being just feels so strongly about it, you know? I don't know how ppl cAn devote so many hours to so many different social media platforms; it tires me. But on the other hand, my heart lifts when I read your messages and comments. I Guess I feel conflicted about people in general since 2016 and it's still very much a work in progress. I Am terrified of being run over heartlessly by people I adore and respect and love.
Spending a lot of time pushing myself with my willpower to get through the physically painful process of the initial aftermath of surgery depleted my joie de vivre. So know that the person you see in these photographs is doing her darnedest to heal, to survive and live again..even though she feels depleted.
Because there is no other way than holding on to hope in my eyes. There is always, always hope.
#selfesteem #selfconfidence #bodypositive #advocacy #psblogger #plussize #effyourbeautystandards #healing #growth #recovery #holdonpainends #justkeepswimming