I was 12 when I was first faced with the reality of my own mortality.
Since then I have had a debilitating fear of growing old.
It has manifested into my irrational fear of endings.
I prolong completing a book as much as I can and maybe that's why I read so much because it signifies that there is always one more to read.
I shut my eyes when a death scene comes in a movie and it takes everything I have to sit through to the end.
Over the years I've learned to stay put.
Maybe that is why I'm still not good with loss. Or moving on from a broken heart. And that is why I take so long.
I still wake up at nights in cold sweat.
I still can't dream seamlessly because it always ends up in a nightmare - not of monsters but my own death.
But I'm learning.
Because some days, growing up seems like the best thing that happened.