Its kinda funny when you're in denial, and life decides to slap you across the face a bit. I am 100% guilty of self-sabotaging myself in the past, because one of my favorite excuses for doing something I shouldn't is playing the "I deserve it" card. It's been a long week. Tonight is my 7th 12-hour-shift in a row. We had a field trip this morning with Elijah's preschool, early-release today for Olivia, a teen-mother dinner to make chili for 30 for, and no school the next two days.
Here I am, convincing myself I'm back on track with my nutrition, following my plan, and getting back into the swing of things after my month off. Except I'm not. I keep having little moments of indulgence here and there, where I tell myself "I deserve it, because (insert reason here: I work so hard, I'm so busy, I've been eating so good, and so on...)." But I convinced myself this hasn't really been happening. I convinced myself that I'm 100% on track. And today, between the field trip to the fire station, delivering food to the church for a charity dinner, and picking Olivia up from school, we had to hit the grocery store. And I decided to buy myself a little baked goodie.
An apple strudel pastry. Because it was on sale. And I deserve it. and here I am, half way through the damn thing, enjoying every bit, all while telling myself what a good job I'm doing staying focused... and I look at what I'm pretending I'm not eating.
And O. M. F. G.
I have never been so sick in my life.
Do you see it!? Zoom in.
So this is me. Admitting 100% that I am GUILTY. I have gone completely off the rails. This was clearly the universe reminding me why I'm not supposed to eat this pre-made crap (as if my disappearing abs weren't enough!). 😜 Want to refocus with me? Because I can't be facing trauma like this all by myself! 😫
#HeartAttack #IJustDiedALittle #DoYouSeeIt!?