“Yes, and thank you once again, Catarina. And besides Jace, there is Magnus I’m worrying about.” “Oh, you two. A gay melodrama”. Alec smiled. “Yes, more like a Greek tragedy. The hero is punished by fate with exactly what he wants, but twisted in an ironic and sinister way. I couldn’t deal with Magnus’s immortality and now it’s gone. That’s not fair.” “Hey, don’t blame you for that. It’s not your fault, Alec. Magnus doesn’t blame you for what happened to him. You know that, don’t you?” “Yes, I know, he told me a thousand times, but he should. If it had not been me and my bond to Jace, it would not have been necessary for Magnus to go to Edom and face his father and to trade his magic for saving me, for saving Jace. I should have held him back, made him stay. The price was too high to pay.” Catarina chuckled. “You really think, you could have held him back? It’s Magnus we are talking about, the most stubborn person we both know. Plus his helper syndrome. He would give anything for the people he loves. So, do you really think you could have changed his mind?” “No, but still I should have done something”, Alec said. “Look Alec, you almost died and I’m sure deep down Magnus feels some blame for that happening to you, as he couldn’t heal you the way he used to. So stop blaming you for things you could not change and will not change. And so should he. Magnus gave his magic willing. He loves you, and I’m sure he will do it a second and third time, to save you, to protect you and your friends. All we can do is support each other, help each other with the aftermath of Lilith’s destruction and try to deal with the ruins she left.” After a few moments of silence, Alec asked: “Is there one last thing I can ask of you?” “Yes, what is it?” “I’ve got nightmares – I dream of fallen angels and blood and destruction. Is there anything you do about it?” 🌈 More in comments 🌈

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“No, Catarina, I really mean it. Thank you. Thank you, for saving my life. Thank you, for healing me. Thank you, for everything. You are good friend. So thank you once again and I can’t say it often enough.” “Alec, it’s fine. It’s my calling to save and heal. But… I watched you closely as a changed your bandages. Physically you seem to be fine, but your soul is in disturbance. Right?” “Yes. No. Maybe.”, Alec replied confused. Catarina’s quiet and reassuring presence made him feel comfortable and he could feel, that he could trust her. “It’s just… everything happened so fast and there is no break to catch a breath and I can’t deal with all the feelings that seem to flood me and…” Alec took a deep breath. “Look, there is Jace. My best friend since years, my brother, my parabatai – and he became that thing, he became the Owl and I didn’t notice it – not until it was too late. I lost sight of him, I was too messed up with my own problems. If I had paid more attention, if I had watched more closely, I could have saved him from being changed into the Owl. I could have saved him…” he trailed off. “Alec, nothing Lilith has in her claws can be saved. It’s almost a miracle that Jace is himself again. And there is nothing you or Magnus, or your friends or any other single person could have done to save him. Lilith is the mother of all demons, too powerful for one of you, but together you defeated her. And any of you added one piece of the puzzle that led to her destruction. Even Jace.” Alec went further on, just as Catarina hadn’t spoken. “And the other thing is, although I blame myself for not helping him, I blame him for trying to kill me. I know it wasn’t him, that it wasn’t his fault, but there is still this small and piercing spark in me that can’t forgive him for stabbing me. I know it’s totally irrational, but I can’t help it. Catarina, does this make me a bad person?” Alec asked pleadingly. 🌈 More in comments 🌈

“Alec?” a soft touch on his shoulder waked him up. Alec blinked a few times to clear his sleepy head and recognized Catarina’s dark face hovering above him. “I’m really sorry to wake you, Alec, but I wanted to check on my favorite patient”, she smiled apologetically. “Oh, hey, Catarina – no worries… but how late is it?” “Late? You mean early – it’s almost six.” Catarina answered and Alec realized that the dim light in the infirmary was the first light of dawn, that stole its way through the high glass stained windows. “I had nightshift and Magnus called and asked me to open a portal for Jace. I decided to come here right after work, but before I do anything else, I wanted to see if you’re a fine.” As Catarina caught Alec’s wandering glance she added: “Magnus went to wake Jace and to prepare breakfast for the others. He’ll be back soon.” “Okay, sorry.” Alec shook his head to clear it of the last spider webs of sleep and turned his radiant smile on the warlock. “Then check on me.” In silence Catarina removed the bandages around Alec’s chest and right hand, examined his broken wrist and the stab wound and replaced the old dressings with new ones. While Catarina’s ministration Alec’s initial smile turned into a frown, his thoughts started to wander and his gaze became absentminded. “Okay, you’re done.” Catarina smiled and padded the Shadowhunter on his shoulder, Alec snapped back into attention. “You are going to be fine. No permanent damage. I’m still amazed, it’s really rare that someone who was so close to death, like you, recovered so fast and so thoroughly. Good genes. Two or three days in bed will do you good. But then you can start to work, if you don’t stress your wrist and shoulder too much. So just office, no field work, okay?” “Yes, thank you, Catarina.” Alec replied. “Oh, no worries. You’re welcome.” Catarina started to rise, but Alec grabbed the sleeve of her pale green scrubs and hold her in place. 🌈 Credits for this amazing aesthetic to @malexanderkru – follow for more amazing art – I’m totally in love with it 🌈 If you don’t want to miss a post, please let me know and I will tag you! 🌈

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