Instagram Farewell. **disclaimer**
This is long and emotional.
I am not the type of person that opens up. I don’t just tell someone my detail emotion I give them just a glance. (you know who you if I have) I don’t just post things about my daily life. I never posted about ugly events or beautiful events in my life. I delete all my posts now. I just don’t want to be apart of this anymore…. Not now. I have never healed myself properly in many years, I constantly just disregard my own emotions. I constantly just pick up people and hear their problems rather than do anything on my own. I am fake happy MAJORITY of the time. I have been through counseling and re-visited therapy on and off again for a year now. I always stop therapy. I stop after the diagnosis. I don’t seek medical attention. I paint this over hyper persona over everyone. I give what the people want. For the first time. I listen to myself more. Listening to my body. Taking time to myself. Loving myself. Opening myself.
I don’t really discuss everything fully. I don’t tell my hardships. I don’t discuss about the inner ugly me the me that has lingered since I was ten year old into a therapy sessions with my mom. I don’t tell the world I want to kill myself and how i use to self harm myself.. even as an adult Why? Because I don’t. I have this feeling no one cares. I have this feeling that I need to help someone else than to help myself. I avoid myself. I have inner demons… that now i shook hands with and we departed.If you come to me after this post saying “I had no idea, do you need anything” please don’t. If you come to me saying “why did you never talk about it” please don’t. I have been doing well on my own. I continue to do so. This is something I need to do for myself. I need to detach myself from this surface of media. the surface of platforms. This year i made a goal to be open. to love.. media is too de-sensitized for me right now. I want to be sensitive and strong. I want to rise up to a better me I know I can be. I am the strongest person I know but the weakest one as well. i am both beautiful and ugly. I am a delicate flower that wishes to not wither and die. #growflowergrow