This is my first #CrossfitOpen and I’m dedicating #18.1 to my Dad. Today marks the 5th year that he has passed. I’m sad and retrospective, of course. But there is so much more tied up in his death and my life, the choices I was making and my ultimate surrender to the mighty #universe.
When my Dad was fighting stage 4 lung cancer in early Feb. 2013 and suffering immensely from his first and only round of chemo, I attempted suicide for the 2nd time in 1.5 years.
After my Dad’s passing, I spiraled into a drug induced frenzy. I was lying to everyone around me, most importantly myself. That emotional substratum of despicable behavior, relentless selfishness, zero accountability ultimately ended my marriage and left me mentally broken, spiritually destitute and a fragile shell of a human being.
One year and 5 days after my Dad died, I surrendered my will to the #universe, used my Good Old Dad as my higher power and have achieved almost 4 years of continuous, unbroken #sobriety.
This new life has afforded me so many fantastic gifts, but finding #Crossfit has been the pinnacle of my #sobriety. The community of athletes who have become wonderful friends help me in a myriad of ways. I was never an athlete or a competitor. Unless I was trying to out-drink or out-drug you. This community has taught me so much about myself that I was unaware of. I found this fierce, strong lady buried under all the bullshit stories I told myself and believed to be true.
I am not that person anymore. I may always be an alcoholic and a drug addict but today I choose to be a grateful and recovering one.
So today, I dedicate #18.1 to my Dad, my Mom, my family, the program of #AlcoholicsAnonymous and anyone who struggles with low self-worth, sadness, suicidal ideation, addiction, anxiety and fear.
This is for you because I know that pain, I’ll never forget that pain and I want to hurt for you and everyone I love..
#aa #sobermovement #godsavetheclean #fierceAF ##crossfitlady #scaledmaster #soberAF #gratefulAF #18point1 #firstcrossfitopen #214Reps