I have been finding the deepest solace in many a thing, *person, place, piece of music, purge, pleasure, poem, &/or prayer this month,
This piece, [from “The Full Abundance Change Me Prayer” by Tosha Silver],
has been one of them
Upon reading it I’m curious;
~Where does the war wage within you?
~What do you resist+need to practice for yourself the most?
~Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness?
For me it is+has most often been, the latter
As much as I love+accept all that is me, I’m equally so hard on myself
when I experience what I perceive as “failure”
when I lose something, or someone
when life doesn’t go the way I wanted it to
So here, are the current beads of my mala+the seeds being sown in my garden:
~ I ForgiveYou for judging yourself as stupid
For falling in love again, (harder, deeper, bigger & more expansively than you have in the longest time),
For trusting someone again
For investing future, dreams, hopes+plans in your feelings, in this divine endangered connection
For believing another’s words, feelings, actions as different, steadfast, reliable
~ I ForgiveYou for trying to control+shape your grief;
Setting QueenMotherTeresa expectations for yourself, to always be kind, compassionate+empathetic to those around you
[+For choosing people who shame/reject you when you’re not ^that^, or perfect]
For judging your bitterness, desolation+seething rage
~ I ForgiveYou for blaming yourself+thinking this is all your fault
~ I ForgiveYour struggle with being seen, with intimacy+vulnerability, because people seeing you for all that you are has mostly meant them leaving
~ I ForgiveYou for feeling, thinking, believing that ultimately, you’re unloveable...
~ I ForgiveYou for wanting to never love again
And even if it’s only ever to me, or by me-
✍🏽@tosha_silver 📸 @lisajanemyers
*To the incredible souls who have been here for me during this time
I‘m so deeply grateful for you
For your love, kindness, empathy, witnessing, words+support
Your presence+reaching out has been immeasurable+has drenched me in some deep+much needed salve of healing+holy gratitude 🙏🏽