I woke up yesterday with an overwhelming sense of peace & gratitude. The 16th was Maddox's due date, we didn't want to do anything special. Maddox was born back in March way too early to survive this side of Heaven. We knew this day would be hard but we had gotten to a place of peace in our thoughts of Maddox - for all he has taught & changed us. For the deep love we have felt, received & given. For the strength we never knew we had. For gaining a whole new understanding & compassion for grief & loss. For teaching us to take nothing for granted. That day was a cluster of emotions honestly. I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor & was convinced I was going to get awful news (hello hormones!). So at the end of the day I was grateful to have just survived & without harming the general public.
Today I feel grateful to my Husband for loving me through all of my emotions - the ups & downs, for constantly allowing me to talk it all out. I'm proud of us. This hasn't been easy but we have shown up in every moment even when we felt we had nothing left. We've been open & honest & have allowed ourselves to feel everything grief throws at you.
I feel grateful to my mom for choosing to walk with us every step of the way. For feeling our pain & understanding the depths of what we are enduring. She is the definition of strength.
I feel grateful for family & friends who have been praying for us non-stop. We have felt them all. For those that haven't been afraid to reach out to see how we're doing & let us know they care. It's important we extend unconditional love, patience & kindness to those who are hurting.
I feel grateful to God for His constant love. For guiding us, for surrounding us with his angel army, for extending His Grace to us during times when we questioned what He's doing. For giving us the hope that through Him the impossible is possible.
Maybe this peace is relief because this day has passed. Or maybe I'm finally learning to give God control. Maybe He's saying 'Don't rely on yourself, rely on Me.'
I hope Maddox is looking down on us from Heaven saying 'Those are my parents! They're awesome, strong & loving & I'm so proud of them.' #MaddoxJacobMcBride