Me: “Why in the world are you being so loud, I am asleep!” Scott: “I’m having chest pains...” Wife of the year award... This was our very real conversation yesterday early in the morning. My eyes snapped wide open and I was dressed and out the door faster than I exactly know how.
Is it atrial fibrillation again, heart failure again? No, it can’t be, his heart rhythm seems normal. Blood pressure-high...too high. We worship together the whole ride to the ER, and tears stream down my cheeks as I praise the God who gives and takes away. I know it could be His plan. Even if we did pinky promise to live to be 100 so we could live 80+ years in the covenant of marriage.
Is it heart failure again? My mind keeps flipping between the physical in front of me with the love of my life, and the spiritual, to Jesus the love of my soul. The hot, hate filled, angry words of someone blaze through my mind....that heart failure was something Scott had deserved, we all deserved, because we had failed them.
We keep worshiping, “it is well, with my soul”, “I want you to live forever, underneath the sky so blue”, “I will sing like a man with no sickness in my body”. We are pro’s now at registration for the hospital, we could place EKG tabs ourselves if we needed to. We wait. We laugh and know that whatever this is, He has us. We trust it soul deep, He will catch us.
Doctor: “You were right to come in, given your history. I am happy to say it’s musculoskeletal, your heart is in pristine condition.” Back and forth from the physical to the spiritual my mind flip flops. This man of mine has the best heart I know. His heart has struggled and failed, it’s literally been through fire and burned to be restored.
His heart is in pristine condition:
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26
If your perspective is that you can always find God in the suffering, the joy, the sadness, the rejoicing, the struggles. That’s where He lives, ready to catch you in a blanket of grace and mercy.
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