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Saw a black bird soaring in the sky. Barely a breath, I caught one last sight. Tell me that was you, saying goodbye.

#iam1in4 #fuckloss

No type of birth is ever predictable. Planned for a D&E rather than an medically induced labor and delivery like last time. Though it was the right choice for me then, I didn't feel I could go through that again. Well my body seems to have other plans and I started naturally miscarrying last night. Hoping my body holds out until my planned procedure so I don't have the charge of having to handle this poor baby's body. I'm angry. I'm so angry that the parents are even further away from having their baby, I'm pissed that we are going through this heartache again at the exact same time as the last loss, pissed that I can't fulfill this dream for them, I'm pissed we have no answers. #pregnancyloss #latetermmiscarriage #naturalmiscarriage #fuckloss #ihadamiscarriage

In remembrance of our first Angels👼 due date being today here is a throwback to the night we spent in the ER miscarrying our little bean! We were in the ER for about 5 hours. My hubby was being silly and trying to make me laugh while we waited for the ultrasound tech to get there, we knew we lost our babe, bc i was having huge clot/tissue loss all evening/night😢😢😢😥😥😥 so he tried to make light of a heavy situation💙 #miscarriage #losssucks #fuckloss

You were loved and sweet and oh so tiny. 💔 #fuckloss

I HAD A MISCARRIAGE- Jessica @ihadamiscarriage shares, ....' trauma stains the heart like pomegranate juice on a white linen couch, erupting perspectives and shifting ideas of order. No matter what you attempt to do, it’s there.I can feel in my body every detail from that day two years ago despite the passage of time. And now, as my 13-month-old daughter comes barreling toward my breasts for comfort and nourishment, I occasionally feel an emotional tug somewhere deep inside. I’ve come to identity this feeling as a pinch of my soul’s memory, of the girl that wasn’t and the beauty of pain in the mash up of life. Trauma left me living on the outskirts for a while. But as my girl playfully cuddles into my body, I feel a sense of return.At 16 weeks pregnant I had a life-threatening miscarriage, what I now think of as an unassisted homebirth to a daughter I will never know. As if it wasn’t hard enough to lose this pregnancy, I was dumbfounded by the reactions of those around me, or more accurately, the inactions. A handful of people who comforted the bruised places in my heart and bore the pain alongside me helped restore me. But, for the most part, people seemed to vanish. Where did they go? I wondered to myself in the immediate aftermath of this mind-bending loss. With few exceptions, it seemed that people around me—old friends and new friends alike—feared contamination. I couldn’t figure out if my impressions were based in part on my postpartum haywire hormones heightening my sensitivity, or if my friends were in fact reaching out to me less than usual. Relationships mutated, as if time might diminish my miscarriage germs and things would magically return to normal.' ( see her page to learn more about her recovery and mission to be a voice for all women who've experienced loss #fuckloss )

My repeat #miscarriage story is on my website today... Stillsbyhill.com

#ihadamiscarriage #fuckloss #lifehappens

I was going to post some eloquent poem, but sometimes all you can say is Fuck! #fuckloss #fuckheartbreak #fuckitALL #ihadamiscarriage #breakthesilence


Guess who's watching the eclipse in style today 💁🏻💙
I know Jensen would probably be too little to watch the eclipse, just knowing I'm missing moments with him is so hard. Thankful to have Jensen bear with me to mark this moment. .
#JensenGrey #heartcare #whathealsyou #love #loss #stillborn #stillbornstillloved #stillbirth #stillbirthawareness #pailawareness #miscarriage #angelbaby #babyloss #infantloss #1in4 #grief #griefjourney #blog #wordpress #ultrasound #AngelBaby #support #lifeafterloss #mamagrief #FuckLoss #eclipse

I had to do a little self cleansing today.
Some serious negativity was thrown my way and caught me off guard.
It angered me to no end. It was unfair and petty.
It almost let me forget the positive news I received shortly thereafter.
So I decided to write down everything I wanted to say to that person. I got off my chest.
And then burned it.

It was a relief to let my own negative feelings and anger go.

I also recommend doing that when grieving. Someone said something hurtful to you? You had no retort and it's eating away at you?
Write it all down! What they said. What you would have loved to say.
And then burn it!
Release this shit. It's not yours. And you deserve to heal in peace.

For more coping strategies, grab your own copy of my book (now in paperback) 'How to survive a miscarriage - a guide for women, their partners, friends and families '. Link in my bio. ❤ *
#miscarriage #miscarriageawareness #miscarriagesurvivor #miscarriagesupport #coping #copingstrategies #copingstrategy #copingwithloss #release #letgo #youdeservehappiness #healing #healinginpeace #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #babylossawareness #babyloss #infantloss #infantlossawareness #mybook #preorder #fuckloss #fuckheartache #misscarriagesucks #miscarriagemommies #recurrentmiscarriage #miscarriagematters

-Legend has it that dragonflies were given an extra set of wings so that angels could ride on their back, smaller than small, yet whenever you see winged masterpiece, you can be certain that an angel has come down from heaven to visit you. .

Took you a while there buddy. Love you 😘. .

#Isaiah #angelwink #heavenlysigns #mybabyhaswings #mybabyboy #myangelbaby #iloveyou #childloss #stillbirth #stillbornstillloved #stillmyson #alwaysinmyheart #missingyou #foreverloved #onedayatatime #ifonly #onedaywellbetogetheragain #ipromise #loveneverdies #lifeafterloss #iam1in4 #fuckloss #griefjourney #grievingmom #i❤️u

Just when I thought this week couldn't get worse, this form letter arrived from the state. Apparently our baby doesn't even warrant a mention. He is simply "an adverse pregnancy outcome." This letter was accompanied by two useless handouts about grief counseling centers that are four hours away from me.
#grief #stillborn #sorrow #realshit #fuckloss

I woke up this morning after one of the best sleeps I've had in months, nightmare free for the first time, feeling refreshed and full of love, passion and so many overwhelming emotions. Last night was one of the best experiences of talking about what I went through and am going through. It was also a great way to talk about what I am passionate about and why and it made me realize how much more I want to do. This year isn't going to be what I thought it was going to be. That really terrified me at first and was something I couldn't handle thinking about, but with time and everything that's happened, I have decided to just dedicate this year to helping and inspiring others in any way that I can. This year will be about honouring my daughter Lennox and the place in my heart that I carry her. This year I want to make her proud and live life for the both of us. I don't know exactly what that looks like, but I am going to keep myself open to every opportunity that comes my way. Every chance I get to help, share and be apart of something bigger then myself, even if it takes me outside my comfort zone, I want to be a part of. Last night was the beginning of that and I'm excited to share it with everyone and I hope my words find their way to anyone who needs to hear them. Please follow @mamas.tv they are on Facebook as well and stay tuned, the interview is coming soon! #capricious #honouringlennox #pregnancyloss #grief #healing #happy #motivated #fuckloss #weneedchange #bethechange #selflove #loveyourself #positivebodyimage #vulnerable #keepitreal #yourenotalone

"Wilde is my brother, and when I have kids, he'll be their heart."
- Emma, 4 years old
#fuckloss #loss #parenting #parents #parenthood #grief #fatherhood #motherhood @ihadamiscarriage

The moment I knew we were expecting you this saying came quickly to mind. I even attempted to be artsy and painted my very own wooden sign for your room featuring these very words. Some days I force myself to believe that you were born sleeping because the world is not ready for the mountains you would move, my darling. But It doesn't ease the pain. You've moved mountains in my life I never thought were possible to even climb. We're only a few months away from your 1st birthday...I miss you so much. #noreasonisgoodenough #stillbornstilllovedstillmissed #mommyofanangelbaby #SadieLynn💗 #fuckloss

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