for the past few weeks or so, i haven’t been feeling that good. i’ve been stressing out way too much over certain things (read: college) and for the last couple of days i’ve been experiencing headaches, back pain, chest pain and some type of lump in my throat that makes my voice sound really weird and makes me feel like im suffocating and can’t swallow anything, all of which made me realize i need to take this seriously and take better care of myself, which im now doing. all of this is difficult for me to admit because i pride myself for always staying positive and happy, and not succeeding at keeping this up has made me feel even worse.
life is a cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows. i felt like i knew this all along and accepted this, because obviously without lows, there would be no highs. i used to think we need the negatives in order to have the positives, we need the pain in order to have the pleasure, because if we have no pain then we wouldn’t even know what pleasure is. i can’t even imagine a world without this kind of duality, polarity, a world without paradoxes and opposites, but i have a feeling that even if we could exist in a world like that, it would be a pretty boring place.
recently i realized, though, that this type of thinking is flawed. not everything that isn’t making me feel happy and blissful is bad or negative. pain and unhappiness are not inferior to pleasure and happiness. if anything, pain is what makes us grow, and growing is the essence of living. without pain or discomfort or any other negative feeling, we would never realize there is a need for change and that there are so many opportunities to improve ourselves. but still we are so uncomfortable about being uncomfortable, why is that? what’s the point in being alive if you don’t have pain? how are you going to learn any lessons? how would you feel empathy or compassion? if there’s no pain, unhappiness, guilt, jealousy, discomfort, anxiety or fear to experience, to grow from, then literally whats the point of being here? stop blaming the pain. respect it. thank it. you’re alive.