life's been tough this past month. it feels like a whirlwind, like i haven't caught a break, sometimes i feel like there's no way back to happier days and feelings. but i know if i keep thinking like that, then i'll be right.
i haven't noticed, actually up onto right now which compelled me to make this post, but i've been suppressing my emotions. the frustration, the sadness, the negativity. i don't feel those emotions often so having them stick around for more than a few hours or a day or 2 ultimately left me clueless as to how to react and then cope. i just block them out. i don't let myself feel. i haven't been to the gym as much as i usually am. i haven't been nourishing myself properly or enough. i overthink until my brain physically hurts. but, i keep on going. numbing myself emotionally & mentally.
i've noticed that suppressing these bad emotions has made me numb to feeling the good ones. excitement, joy, calmness, clarity. i haven't felt myself. my bubbly overly optimistic loudly laughing ultra smiley courto. today, i finally cried. i cried a lot. i couldn't hold in my racing thoughts any longer. i talked to my mom, my sister, my boyfriend. the people who never fail to be there for me even when i feel like an absolute crazy person. their reassurance helps ground me.
your emotions are like waves. they come, they go, they rise, they fall. no feeling lasts forever, and anger & sadness are necessary in order to appreciate the feeling of joy and happiness. i know this won't last. i know i'll feel back to my self much sooner than later. i deserve to experience all my emotions just like i deserve to live the life i love.
expressing emotions and opening up to more conversation and vulnerability is a form of self care that i've been lacking for some time now. so.. here's to opening up, taking deeper breaths, and crying out loud just as much as i laugh. 🌊🙏🏻