Some days we eat all the veggies and cook from scratch, but some days this is supper.
Today was rough. Maddy is sick again, which meant someone had to stay home with her yesterday (that was me). She still had a fever last night, so someone had to stay home again (I took the morning, Adam took the afternoon).
Missing that 1.5 days (in my third week back, and on a short work week) really f’d me up. It fd me up to the point I nearly had an anxiety attack in front of my coworkers. Those feelings of feeling incompetent, and overwhelmed, and like I made the wrong decision to go back to work, all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have had my general anxiety disorder pretty much under control for the last couple of years, but I can feel it tugging at me again. It hadn’t even gotten this bad with school this last semester.
I’ve realized just how important my routines have become to me. I know to some my weekly routines can appear anal, but they allow me to cope when the uncontrollable happens.
This week, none of my usual routines were in place (namely my Sunday planner time where I see what I’m up to, meal plan, and chore plan). That lack of preparation meant that when the uncontrollable fact of a child becoming sick hit, everything has gone into a tail spin.
So ... McDonald’s for supper. I didn’t have anything planned for dinner, I ended up being at work an hour later then I planned, and I was mentally f’d up.
Part of me felt like going through that drive thru made me a failure. But after taking some time to talk with my hubs, and spend quiet time on my balcony, I’ve calmed my mind and know that I am not a failure for choosing food. Some may disagree, but they’re not me and I’m not them. ***
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