First of all, thank you so much to everyone for the abundance of love and support. I’m overwhelmed by the kindness of each and every one of you. ❤️
After Vaughn passed away, my therapist recommended I write letters to him to help sort out my feelings. Here is one I wrote to him on January 20th, 2015. I will always be thankful that I am his mom.
Dear Vaughn, Even though our time together was far too short, I am still thankful that you were in my life. As much as my heart hurts now, I would never trade loving you for anything. I want to remember how thankful I am and not only think about my pain. I am thankful that you got to meet my dad, Grandpa George. He wanted to be a grandpa so bad and you made his life worth living those last five months. I'm thankful my dad didn't have to see you sick. It would have shattered his world and his heart. I'm thankful I did Mommy and Me class with you. I got to watch you play and interact with other kids. And I bonded with you in a way we hadn't experienced before. I'm thankful I had a chance to dance with you in the rain. Everything was exciting with you. You made me slow down and experience the small things again. I'm thankful you were such a happy, content baby. Not for my sake but for yours. The last month of your life was awful and terrible and cruel but I'm thankful your first nine months were joyful. I'm thankful that you had Butters in your life and got to experience the love of a dog. You and Butters helped show the world that pitbulls are wonderful, loving animals. I'm thankful that I took you places like the zoo, the beach, the fair. You loved animals and you loved the water. We, your dad and I, had talked about getting you a fish tank for Christmas or your birthday. I'm thankful I lived life with you like there was no tomorrow. I took thousands of pictures, created new experiences, wrote down our memories in your baby book. I'm so thankful I did because now there is no tomorrow with you. And maybe I always knew that. When I used to sing You Are My Sunshine to you, the part "please don't take my sunshine away" used to always get to me. Now I know why. It isn’t fair that you’re gone. (Continued in comments)