#fightthethoughts

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One of those nights, cried for about an hour - I miss my old skinny legs and I miss my old tummy but then I know I'm happier now and healthier but I just still dislike my body so much. I got this skirt today and I like it but my tummy hangs through, my arms are chubby and my legs look so unbelievably big, I know it's a fair amount of muscle but really if you didn't know me you'd think I've got fat legs which makes me so upset. I want to like myself, but I just can't right now - why is my head wired to just not accept me, to find flaws in literally everything I wear or to pick out the worst bits of myself when I look in the mirror or see a photo. I haven't been sick since March which is really good, but I miss the whole feeling empty thing, feeling like there's nothing in me. It made me feel skinny and I am so frustrated at how I can't see what other people see they see, I hate my dysmorphia so much and it scares me that I might never get over it, what a horrible thing that will be, to go through life from now on only liking how I look on a few occasions. I want to like myself most of if not aaaaall the time because that must be such a wonderful feeling. I'm confident sometimes but it never seems to last long before it's replaced with a feeling of almost stupidity, like "ffs laura why did you feel confident you look awful" which makes me feel guilty if that makes sense? I'll be fine come tomorrow morning, I just needed to get things out of my head and have a cry.

Today's conclusion. #fightthethoughts

spend a wonderful day with iman 💗
by the way the chocolate soufleé and the ice-cream was goals 😻

I'm still alive guys 😅✌Enjoyed this with my sister today. A lot is happening and going on in my head, but I guess that's a good thing, even though it often doesn't feel like that at all. But we will get through this and there were a lot of good moments as well - like this one from today. Stay strong y'all, hope you're okay ❤ #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #eatittobeatit #fightthethoughts

Sunday truth...sometimes our thoughts can stop us from making the right choices....#lifelessons #truth#fightthethoughts

Spicy teriyaki tofu sushi bowl 😍😋 #recovery #strength #fightthethoughts #foodisfuel

Vorgestern hatte ich meine erste essensbefreiung hier und wir haben den geburtstag einer lieben freundin beim Westernacher nachgefeiert 💗
Ich hatte den gelber wok und der war wirklich gut auch wenn es verdammt hart und schwer war 🙈
Ich hoffe euch geht es soweit gut oder zumindest besser als mir denn die letzten wochen waren echt nicht leicht. Ich zweifel die ganze zeit an mir und mir wird alles zu viel aber ich werde nicht aufgeben ☝🏼💗

MOST RECENT

One of those nights, cried for about an hour - I miss my old skinny legs and I miss my old tummy but then I know I'm happier now and healthier but I just still dislike my body so much. I got this skirt today and I like it but my tummy hangs through, my arms are chubby and my legs look so unbelievably big, I know it's a fair amount of muscle but really if you didn't know me you'd think I've got fat legs which makes me so upset. I want to like myself, but I just can't right now - why is my head wired to just not accept me, to find flaws in literally everything I wear or to pick out the worst bits of myself when I look in the mirror or see a photo. I haven't been sick since March which is really good, but I miss the whole feeling empty thing, feeling like there's nothing in me. It made me feel skinny and I am so frustrated at how I can't see what other people see they see, I hate my dysmorphia so much and it scares me that I might never get over it, what a horrible thing that will be, to go through life from now on only liking how I look on a few occasions. I want to like myself most of if not aaaaall the time because that must be such a wonderful feeling. I'm confident sometimes but it never seems to last long before it's replaced with a feeling of almost stupidity, like "ffs laura why did you feel confident you look awful" which makes me feel guilty if that makes sense? I'll be fine come tomorrow morning, I just needed to get things out of my head and have a cry.

Tb to Dubai - gah I've eaten sooooo much bad stuff this week, but also I've been doing resistance band workouts and I ran twice this week, so it's not horrendous. I've also started using the Headspace app and I love it! Just thought I'd check in, I haven't posted much as it's hard to photograph food at home as it's not pretty and we don't eat at the table and stuff, but I'm quite good atm - had some real body image wobbles as in I am never satisfied with my body, I feel fat and gross but then I don't feel like I want to be sick so that's good, just need to focus on having a more positive mindset 🌍

You'll have good #runs and bad ones, but the most important thing is to not stop.
You can't tell in the picture, but today was a bad #run in my eyes, but despite that I finished my 5k.
That's all that matters.
#getmotivated #runlikeadiva #running #runpower #neverstop #pushyourself #emotionslie #fightthethoughts #fithealth #workout #letsvegaboutit #pushforward #dontquit #whatthehealth #shouldbe #strong #vegan #veganfit #veganfitness #vegans #mylifestyle #tobehealthy

Today is about learning to #balance. Balance and realigning your priorities. Balance your mind, heart and soul. Balance your life relationships.
Did about 15 of these my longest one was never caught on video... funny how that always seems to be the case. Haha. But the more you try the better you'll get.
Working on getting my legs to straighten out and readjusting my form. One day I'll tackle this. 🤣😁😄🤗😊😋 Today's pearls of wisdom:
"If you are going to look at your affliction or injury and focus on that, you are going to live around it, but if you focus on the Lord, He is just going to get you through it." - Todd Houston (Climbed 50 of the highest peaks in all of the US. When asked how he was able to climb physical mountains and mountains of doubt this was his answer) What makes him extraordinary is the fact that he only has one leg. If he can surmount so much, how much more should we who are blessed physically?
#positivevibes #positivelove #balancing #determination #believe #faith #deepthoughts #thinkingdeep #overcome #overcomeobjections #fightthethoughts #nevergiveup #perserverance #persevere #onedayatatime #progressnotperfection #progresisprogress #motivated #motivation #veganlove #veganlife #vegans #positivevegan

Was in Austria all week with no signal and had a couple wobbles but bla they're done now and it was fine in the end yay🌳 dinner yday was SO PENG; turkey, spring onions, brown rice, quinoa, kale, ginger and chicken with some soy sauce although ugh all I ate yesterday was this and a pot noodle plus I went to work and walked for four hours straight so yeah didn't eat much yesterday so made up for it by having some ice cream for dessert yay me 😍

All sorted for Austria next week; I've got all my food for all eight days - around 1650 calories a day in each pack, and that's got breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks ☺️ been chilling at Alex's this week, climbing and watching prison break and just having a really nice relax before the trip next week. I was worrying about it a lot but now I'm packed and good is under control and I know my group is good so I'm less likely to panic, I'm feeling better about it. The weather looks horrendous but I shall try it remain positive, I can cry to Alex if need be aha 🙈

Sorry I'm being awol, I'm at Alex's for the week before this stupid field trip next week. We leave a week yesterday and they still haven't been able to confirm that everything they provide will be completely nut and sunflower free so I've bought a weeks worth of food for when we go; Aldi Mamia Yoghurt and Rice pouches for breakfast - they're baby food but it's just yoghurt with powdered carbs in it so who cares, then a pain au chocolat for morning snack, a pouch of John West Creations for lunch (I tried one today and that's what the photo is of, it was amaaaaaazing and so so yummy) and then some dried fruit and Aldi's version of pombears for AS, and then dinner is a cup shot, where you just add hot water to pasta and it puffs up, followed by a fruit purée pouch for ES. It's not particularly calorie dense but it means I have control over my food and if what they provide is safe then I haven't got to eat it if I freak out, I've got backup food and things I'm safe with so I'm hoping the field trip goes smoothly, which it should as at the moment there aren't any reasons why it shouldn't 🌟

Had a really peng lunch out with my parents before I go away for 2 weeks tomorrow, and had the most peng dinner of mojito chicken and summer salad of couscous, pomegranate, avo, beetroot, toasty sweetcorn and tomatoes, which was amazing ☀️ feeling a teeny bit chunky today, realised how frustrating having a wall of mirrors is as I can literally body check constantly, but oh well I can deal with it! Off to Alex's for a week tomorrow and then Austria for a field trip the week after; the field trip still haven't told me if they're feeding me because of my allergies which I'm secretly happy about as it means I have to take all my own food and hence I have control over it, so ED wise that's really reassuring, even though frustrating normal-wise! Buzzinggggggg to be back with Alex tomorrow; climbing and running and exercising and gah I'm so excited!!!

Avoided scales for like nearly a year and then there were ones in our room and it's stressed me out my bmi says I'm overweight and need to eat less and then my mum says it's fine because I'm weight training and gah my mind is all over the place

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