One of those nights, cried for about an hour - I miss my old skinny legs and I miss my old tummy but then I know I'm happier now and healthier but I just still dislike my body so much. I got this skirt today and I like it but my tummy hangs through, my arms are chubby and my legs look so unbelievably big, I know it's a fair amount of muscle but really if you didn't know me you'd think I've got fat legs which makes me so upset. I want to like myself, but I just can't right now - why is my head wired to just not accept me, to find flaws in literally everything I wear or to pick out the worst bits of myself when I look in the mirror or see a photo. I haven't been sick since March which is really good, but I miss the whole feeling empty thing, feeling like there's nothing in me. It made me feel skinny and I am so frustrated at how I can't see what other people see they see, I hate my dysmorphia so much and it scares me that I might never get over it, what a horrible thing that will be, to go through life from now on only liking how I look on a few occasions. I want to like myself most of if not aaaaall the time because that must be such a wonderful feeling. I'm confident sometimes but it never seems to last long before it's replaced with a feeling of almost stupidity, like "ffs laura why did you feel confident you look awful" which makes me feel guilty if that makes sense? I'll be fine come tomorrow morning, I just needed to get things out of my head and have a cry.