After the new year we didn’t receive a phone call; I waited. I called. No call back. Then the financial dept called 1/11/18 & rudely explained she’d been out with the flu. I was confused, I wasn’t waiting for HER to call me I was waiting for the Dr. to call like she stated she would. Does it even rattle their minds how hard this is on their patients? The answer:NO. No it does not. This lady was THE biggest C yoU Next Tuesday. She spoke down to me & shamed me, saying no one gets a discount. Then said if none thaw it turns into a fee for service so you pay more. My brain expanded threatening to implode. Wait-I must have heard you wrong. You pay MORE if no embryos thaw? You pay more if you DON’T even have a chance to impregnate yet you are drugged & hormoned up for NO reason AND you pay MORE? I started to say how fucked this is & although it may be lower cost than normal we’ve still paid out of pocket & don’t qualify for loans. I stopped. She wasn’t listening, I saved myself from being treated inhuman any longer. I said can Dr. B. please return my multiple calls & I hope you feel better. The Dr. finally called me back 1/15/18. How in the fucking world can any of these people be working at a fertility clinic if they’ve no hearts? When she called it was unexpected, almost 6pm. I had my notes so I could give her a piece of my mind but I was with my succulents; gardening, listening to Beethoven. Calm. Trying to heal from this massive torture infertility was wreaking on me. I listened to her as she defended the financial bitch. I said, super zenned out, she was unkind & didn’t appreciate it, we’d been waiting for you to call us not her. She said she thought we wanted to know the cost of FET. I said that wasn’t all we wanted to know. I didn’t get into it with her, I felt she was avoiding us, it was falling on deaf ears. She doesn’t understand how horrendous it is waiting, not a clue as to why I’m still not preggo after my 2nd IVF loss. Just more depressed. Which confuses her. Why would I be sad & freaking the fuck out; questioning my life & it’s purpose? She said she’d be out of the office during March but to call with day 1 of my cycle in April so we can begin FET.

And it has begun...the PIO bum shots! Shout out to my hubby for doing such a good job! So far, icing before and heating after has worked pretty well. The soreness shows up the next day. Less scary than I thought, but we have a ways to go! 💉🙏❤️ #ivf #progesteroneshots #thanksbabe #transferprep #FET #miraclemay #52518

4d til 22 🍻✨ esssketit. #whysodark #fet

We started progesterone shots again today! I had a lining check yesterday and I was at 8.7mm, so everything is moving along according to the doctor's plan. They saw a little bit of fluid in my uterus, but hopefully the progesterone will get rid of that. We go back on Friday to check the status of fluid, and if everything looks good we transfer Barnum & Bailey on Saturday!

#FET #progesteroneshot #itsagoodthingidonthateneedles #itstoobadthathedoes #infertility #makingababyishard #makingbabieswithscience #barnumandbailey #twins #mommainthemaking

UPDATE: I’ve started the Lupron shots yesterday! The injection shots are okay, not painful at all as the needles are very thin. Even though I’m not looking forward for all these injections shots I am gonna have to do this month, I am so happy to stop birth control pills in 3 days. I don’t know if I’m the only one but I don’t do well with birth control pills at all! I literally become miserable. I feel so sad, depressed and hopeless. For the last 4 days, I was feeling so down, didn’t want to move from bed or do anything. Can’t wait to be done! 🙏🏼

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Collin is such an adventurous eater! He is definitely his father’s child. There isn’t anything that he won’t eat. He’s doing so well feeding himself, but I’ll be honest it does gives me great anxiety. My little baby is growing up. 😢 #wonthedoit #collinmatthew #ivfjourney #ivfsuccess #ivfcommunity #fet #fetsuccess #ttcjourney #ttccommunity #lookatgod

I'm starting therapy again and she suggested we do something meaningful to symbolize our miscarriage. I was removing shrubs and saw this guy. 🌱 I transplanted it to remember our "embee." It could be a weed but it still helped me grieve and start looking forward to our FET in June. 🌳 Hopefully, unlike our embryo, it will grow big and strong 🌳 #rainbowbaby #ivf #fet #ttccommunity #miscarriage #ttcsisters #ivfjourney #embryo

Packing up a box that I can’t imagine ever throwing away. 📦 These contents represent memories and feelings that are so hard to put in to words. Pictured here are moments of paralyzing fear, suffocating heartache, unshakable faith that is delivered when you least expect it, new friendships with “your people”, drop-down-drag-out-fights with anyone and everyone just because, thousands and thousands of dollars and a whole lot of Jesus. {Not pictured: Gonal-F and Novarel in the refrigerator.} 💉💊💸 The next time you see someone going through infertility give her the biggest high five you can because she is a freaking warrior. She might not feel like she is right now but she needs to know how unbelievably strong she is. So to all my friends still fighting-consider this a really, really hard high five!💪🏻✋🏻👏🏻 #infertility #thisiswhatinfertilitylookslike #ivf #ivficsi #fet #ttc #ttccommunity #infertilitysucks #pcos #clomid #letrozole #femara #pio #delestrogen #estradiol #endometrin #menopur #follistim #gonalf #lupron #cetrotide #ovidrel #vivianinvitro

Humbled, thankful, and in love with the moment I had yesterday meeting this little one. ⠀

His mom had decided to live child-free, but he wanted to be with her. So, he set us up and he was not subtle about it. ⠀

We met through friends and I hired her to work on my business. When she agreed to the work, she didn't know what I did, and I didn't know that she needed to do IVF but was not going to move forward with it. But, she HAD to read all of my content and understand my strategies and program to complete her work. See what I mean by this little one not being subtle in his approach. Talk about, "In your face, Mom!" ⠀

She finally told me what she was going through. She gave me permission to set up her journey and she was successful on her first round of IVF. ⠀

My clients are international, so it is rare that I get to hold the babies of the moms that I am blessed enough to work with, but she happens to live close to me. This moment became even more emotional when she gave ME a gift when I showed up. It was a gorgeous bouquet of yellow roses and that note (4th picture). ⠀

Life is magical and, once again, I am beyond thankful to be a part of it.⠀

#ivfjourney #ivfwarrior #ivf #ivfsuccess #ivfsisters #ivfsupport #TTCCommunity #TTC #ttccommunity #ttcsisters #ttcjourney #tashablasi #FUProject #fuproject #tashablasi #infertility #myfertilityjourney #fertilityjourney #ttcjourney #IVFcommunity #IVFtransfer #2WW #FET #ivftransfer #ivfcommunity #invitro #unexplainedinfertility

All the feels during this scene. I have found lately I am so terrified of something bad happening because after 10 years it doesn’t seem possible that I have everything in life I ever wanted. Please know much my heart aches for those still in the wait.

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