Fall. Because things have been so weird in the world this year I want the normalcy of cool weather slipping into cold weather. I want, in some ways, it to get darker earlier. But still, in the pit of my stomach I feel the dread. Weird things seem to happen when the days are shorter and the sunlight is less. Last year there was sickness and the loss of our dog and then for three months straight I vibrated inside like I was on an engine. No one could figure it out. A couple blood tests were off but nothing pointed to the cause of internal vibrating. Still, it scared me and the more fear set in, the more I vibrated, night and day. My bed felt like I was on an engine all night long. When it started I thought it was my ears. No one else did. They thought it was in my head. And still, now, I wonder too. I stepped up my electrolytes and started Yoga to stretch muscles and lymph node massages on my own to try to drain the ears. I listened to sermons day and night about fear and rebuking evil and the one I shall not name. Slowly the vibrating stopped and one morning I woke up and it was gone. In the process my compounded thyroid medicine was made a different way in case I was having a negative reaction to an ingredient that was supposed to be "clean" but the FDA had blocked the use of (probably another way to try to stop compounded pharmacies from stealing money from pharmaceutical companies.) an ER trip with a pounding heart had come during it all and I was told my heart was fine. So even now I can't be sure what combination helped the most, but I know prayer was the only thing that got me through. Trusting Christ, using his words to fight a battle waging around me in the spiritual realm was what I needed most. This is not the first time I've found myself battling demons inside and knowing things were moving against me spiritually. But this time I only saw the physical battle and it spun me out of mental control. I feel that dread that it will all happen again this winter but yet I know I have new weapons I didn't quite understand how to access yet before.