I lost my best friend tonight.
9 months ago I made a friend that I felt had become family. I spent money on them that I couldn't afford to spend, I fed them when they had no food and smoked with them when they asked, I opened my home to them in a time of need, I offered emotional and mental support when I was running on empty myself. I stood up for them when they were CLEARLY in the wrong about A LOT of things, but because I loved them and because friends guide you through dark times, I stood by them when everyone else couldn't. I told myself that it was okay that I was doing all of those things, that this person cares about me and will have my back when I need them, and I justified the crappy ways that they were treating me, because they told me that they loved me and that we were friends... and I believed their words... but their actions were different.
Since we live cities apart, seeing each other was a struggle. I would always find a way to be with them, whether a ride from a friend or a fucking greyhound bus. But they didn't care what I went through to be with them. They were only concerned about where they would be getting their next fix, not caring about who gave it to them and at what cost. The lies and manipulation kept getting worse, and I tried to convince myself that it would be okay, that I was overreacting...Tonight I officially said goodbye to a person I once called my best friend. My heart is shattered, because I am still very much in love with them and I can't ignore all of the things we've gone through and experienced together... the only thing I regret, is letting them into my heart the way that I did, because they don't deserve to know me like that, any more. .
#venting #ranting #sad #sadness #loss #friendshiploss #exfriend #exbestfriend #iwishyouwell #istillloveyou #butfuckyouanyway #fuckyou #igaveyoueverything