Current mood (?)
It's not a trigger warning if you swipe. It might need a graphic warning as I'm sure most will find my body as disturbing as I do.
The still photos are over the course of the last several months, they get more recent the further you swipe. I've been wanting to talk about (and show) my #excessskin but haven't found the courage.
It's emotionally painful as hell to exist in this body. Most days I have to pep-talk myself into changing my clothes or showering. Its overwhelming to deal with. The more weight I lose, the more skin I have. The more skin I have, the more my mind distorts my image, the more weight I think I still need to lose. It's a vicious cycle.
I feel like I'm wearing someone else's body, like clothing, a baggy skin suit. I feel disconnected from it which is probably why it's so easy for me to abuse it (?).
It's physically painful as hell to exist in this body. The layer of fat beneath my breasts, arms, and stomach skin has become so thin, the skin itself is as fragile as tissue paper and easily rips open. I've always stored more fat in my lower half, so my groin, thighs, and buttocks are not yet having this issue.
I attempted to do my PT exercises tonight, but my stomach skin is currently taped together (as seen in video) and I was in so much pain from that, and fearing the bandages would come off from sweating, that I couldn't complete my workout.
I began to obsessively pull and tug at the skin like I do (for hours a day I'm ashamed to say), but i decided to change my mindset.
Rather than focus on how much I hate my skin, I focused on how strong my body has become over the last 4 years as I lost the 200 pounds. I have muscle. I have amazing abs (hidden underneath), I can roll my stomach in amusing ways.
I do not want or need this excess skin. But it's there. It served its purpose by stretching to keep my insides from spilling out during the years I was abusing my body with food. So I will love it for protecting me when I needed protection. I don't think I've ever felt love for my skin before now.
Last pic art: @chibirdart (?)
First pic art: idk, I'm sorry