my history with love.
i stopped searching for acceptance sometime after my family broke my heart. they were my first, and as my story unfolded, they caved in. i had always searched for their acceptance. i can remember when i first began searching for my father’s love through lovers. the more i came up empty, the more pain i carried. the more i hurt others knowingly and unknowingly. but not more than i hurt myself. i learned then, that i was a lot of girl and that sentiment grew as i got older. always being told i was too much, too confident, too sexy, too African, too loud, too excited, too intimidating, being teased and called Malcolm X, cause for as long as i can remember, i always spoke my truth unapologetically, even as a little girl. i let life choose for me what career, what marriage, what life i should live. now, i am a lot of woman— warm blooded, cold shouldered, in charge of my changes. i no longer let life happen to me. i took charge of my life and proceeded to find a voice that no one can muffle now. it has been perceived, that just because i don’t speak about pain— i don’t experience it. but i feel pain, an immense amount about a lot of things i cannot control. pray for her. the girl who carries the world on her shoulders, who always smiles and never shows you her tears. who’s always checking in on you. who doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. who “does it all”. who listens to others and says she’s good. pray for her. for anyone i have hurt while i was a prisoner of my own pain, please forgive me as i forgive myself. forgive yourself. again and again. as many times as it takes to find peace. flames aren’t meant to be tamed. it took a lot of dynamite to break me open. i was built to withstand a few blows, and they have surely manifested in the forms of heartbreak and fist throwing. but here she stands, blown wide open and standing tall in the midst of flying debris.
today I acknowledge:
she didn’t know she was a phoenix until she rose and rose again. no more fear will get in the way of my efficiency. women who bleed with the moon, rise within the fire. 🥀
#erynamelism #womanhood #justanaijagirl #honestwomanhood #selflove #free #unapologetic

Happiness is such a layered emotion. The best way to tap into it would be to get back in touch with your imagination. Live a lot and remain mindful, that every one has a purpose, even if they haven’t found it yet. Today while annoyed with the world and dishonest agendas, i decided to try something I’ve been wanting to— but lacked the confidence in. All those beautiful dresses in stores that come marked with the names of women I’ll never be.. going to place I’ll never go— shit with dates I’ll never have. I’ve convinced myself I’m not a “regular” girl. Never have been- i didn’t appreciate the glitz that came with womanhood until i was trying to recall a time i ever felt comfortable with own confidence. I’m still working on that. But i took a chance, went into a store to waste some time and try on gowns way out of my budget- just to spark a pseudo-confidence boost. I fell in love with many, but i found a soulmate in this one. Lavender and fitting- embroidered by hand and way too fancy to rock to the post office.
But i like to take risks. | i stepped out of the dressing room too afraid to ask for help with snapping the dress and surely not wanting to take photos of my desperation. But the way the whole store oohed and ahhed made the sales associate swipe my phone away from me and show me what the world saw.
No one knew i was in there to waste their time, in fact i didn’t consider I’d be making any impression on anyone but myself. But the way the world works is— we aren’t meant to experience joy and happiness alone and usually, it takes up space when you go off and mind your own business. By the end of this visit i made three new friends, helped two girls decide on a prom dress and heard my son look at me and say “wow Mama, you look beautiful.” Yeah, safe to say you can insert the tears now.
#Honestmotherhood #TakeUpSpaceSis #Erynamelism

The post office is our second home.
There is no special formula or pre made dressings that make this recipe easier. Mothering, running and operating my 1 woman business, figuring out who my “best self” feels like and all the way operating at 200 percent for each project. There is no secret- #IssaBalance. Like a hand full of packages and coffee who better not spill- chasing a toddler and a dream— remaining grounded and grateful— level headed and well rested— while also getting shit done and *trying* to look like I’m always enjoying it. Operative word : trying. Some days are better than others, some days are more productive than others—I am forever grateful for the perspective of both days— without them I’d think this instagram sh*t was easy and I’m proud to say I’m not that silly. | support goes a long way @erynamelshopee
#MomPrenuerDiaries #BrujaMa #erynamelism #GrindFromHomeMom

Surrender, Sis.

You’re on your own neck, trying to make free flowing water take shape. It’s pointless to fight, when we were built to flow.

It will never defeat your purpose, but it can deplete it.
All these words swarm my mind and soon enough they make their way into my conversations. This is when I notice, I’m projecting. I, out of turn, excuse myself from the conversation— and trail off into a stream of consciousness — desperately trying to locate the ‘good’ thoughts I know I have stored away on gloomy days.

My nerves need a tonic.
My throat needs some lavender.
My booty needs some rubbing-
So do my feet.
My heart needs some sunlight.

Today I give Myself permission to:
Bend not break
Flow without Fight
& get back to conquering.
But first, coffies. (Coffee + selfie). #HonestWomanhood #Erynamelism #WomenShouldBeSeenAndHeard #CheckInOnYourStrongFriend #SpringCleaning

I have to stop placing limitations on my
I placed a sheet of paper beneath my pillow last night and meditated on its contents
It read “what are you allowing to foreshadow your shine?” The seed doesn’t know who she will bloom to be.
She just is, and the elements are perfect enough just to nourish.
You ever find yourself too timid to shine? Nervous that your “good idea” may not be good enough to remain relevant.
Anxious around standing out and walking in your power.. I woke up feeling passionate about my purpose with facilitating safe space for expression. In that passion, i find my self worth is not only maximized by my effort but also in my acknowledgement of my light. It shines bright.
Today i give myself permission to:

Go be that tough act to follow.
Go be the girl of your own dreams.
Go be seen and scenic if you want to.
Go be strong even if that produces tears.
Go be passionate and let the world see it.
#GloUpStillLoading #SelfLove #erynamelism

9.5/10 I wear ear buds to avoid human interaction, but today I wore my @erynamelism "It Is Impossible To Shame A Woman Who Is Unashamed" t-shirt & it got a but load of compliments. I got stopped so much, I just turned my music off. Haha. ❤️❤️❤️ #erynamelism #Tacoma #washington

If i was running for President of the Bruja Ma Club, I’d promise Saturday’s be made Mother’s Day off and we would all celebrate with copious amounts of red wine and conversation, twerk circles and good food. :) I’m getting back to myself, y’all. Shout out to my support system and everyone who hasn’t taken my absence to heart. I love you. I’ve had a interesting start back into work. It took me a minute to stop dragging my feet.
Lesson of the year:
Invest it into project(s) and do not make people out of them.
Drink ya water, drink ya wine.
Take it a day at a time.
Leave, if you have to.
Come back refreshed and ready to grind. ✨

At least that’s what I’m doing and it’s working for me. #Erynamelism #WineAboutItLater #ImThinkingAboutHostingAHappyHour #WouldYouCome ? ✨ #GlowUpStillLoading

I woke up this morning, and pulling myself out of bed was a struggle. The Strong Black Girl Narrative, suits me so well but it  just doesn’t fit. It is just a customization of my human experience. I believe strength looks a lot less “loud” these days… Strength is accumulated in the steadiness of my breathing.. It gets like that. Some days I am moving with the grace of God,which for some reason I never categorized as “graceful”, more like: efficiently  all over the place. Strength is always about getting a running start and hitting all the markers- but my strengths include not making excuses for myself or anyone, as well as knowing when I need to sit a few laps out.  Honesty is the fortitude of strength. Today, I need to sit this morning out. #Unashamed, but not complacent.
I am sending you strength to finish the week with the same energy as you started 2018 with. You’re allowed to reset, as needed.

#ErynAmelism #BrujaMa #mombodappreciationpost #GlowUpStillLoading

I’ve been in this bed all weekend. In this spot. Feeling. And Releasing. This Year has been all about owning up to my word.
Owning my womanhood 101: this is 27 ✨ Alone and i am lacking nothing. ✨No matter who intrudes on my womb.
Never give birth to spite. ✨If you suspect you’ll kick him out again, don’t let him back in. ✨Taking from a well you’re trying to water is futile. ✨ stay bra & drama free ✨If it doesn’t yield a harvest, stop investing in it. ✨ drink water, it keeps the waste moving. ✨ your sisters are your fortress. do not lean into them unless you are ready to shift your weight. ✨ fall in love with yourself. As many times as needed. Drs orders. ✨ you swim as good as you fly. ✨ fear only gets in the way of efficiency. ✨ when the world feels made up of darkness, choose light.
#MomBodAppreciationPost #ErynAmelism #HonestWomanhood #TypeOfGirlYaMamaWouldBeProudOF #BabyFreeSelfies #GlowUpStillLoading

Always so inspired by your light, writing and transparency. A one woman army, an entrepreneur, writer, mom, all around badass and everything I hope to be. #erynamelism @erynamelism #WCW #empoweredwomenempowerwomen

In true entrepreneurial fashion, my schedule is never really “free” always plotting and planning on the next opportunity, remaining authentic and disconnecting from the comparisons that business “competition” can create. This is not something my friends outside of business, really get.
I don’t have any problems milly rocking my phone into airplane mode and deafening the noise.
You can choose to send that energy away.
You can choose to enjoy the energy you’re vibrating at.
You can silence the noise.
You can check in on your return.
Check in on your emotional invest(me)nts.
Don’t have enough time? Make it.
#ErynAmelism #MomPreneurDiaries
You can

I’ll admit, when i learned i was having a boy at 15 weeks i thanked god he was healthy, and also nudged god and asked if she over-sighted a bit and added a pair of testicles to my little girl as a cosmic joke.
God doesn’t make mistakes but i know i do, when i question the way God moves. This little guy is everything i ever needed, he is the reason i raised my expectations with men, he is the reason i have forgiven my father and has given me a funky reason to push forward with my feminism out reach and aid in the consent culture uprising. He is the reason why i speak up, and the reason why your daughters won’t have to pledge a #Metoo. He is the reason i fell in love with cuddling and why i take a deep breath before repeating myself. I wouldn’t change the order of my life for anything in the world. God doesn’t make mistakes, I’ve made a few — and I’m learning to embrace them all. Including ever wishing i was anywhere else but here. #HonestMotherhood #Erynamelism #BlackLove

“Baby, may i ask you a personal question?” ✨What scares you about intimacy?✨ I hear a lot of fear is surrounded by the vulnerability that intimacy requires to thrive. Exposing ourselves at the expense of an ego, for some it’s harder than others. For me, the vulnerability i thought came easy, doesn’t come without mindfulness. i can tell you what hurts and why. I can tell you why i rather wait than jump all in. Or sometimes it’s not that easy, and impulse takes over.. and i tell you why that happens too... I can tell you that i really am not looking for another half, because i already feel full as fuck. (Good intimacy should make you burst out your seams.) but out of all the stories we wish to convey to a lover, how ready are we to sit and listen to the descriptions of our shadows ? How willing are we to accept people where they are, and as they are? How transparent are we about far we want to grow and what it takes to see it? Communication isn’t just about the verbal expression, but the body language & soul language that the untrained heart can misread and ignore. How present are you in your own vulnerability? Do you tell yourself the truth, or criticize all of the shapes of shadows? Is the truth really a critique? Are some “pet peeves” really not that serious? Ask yourself, “Am i conditioned to accept pressure instead of love?” & if i am, and i willing to do the work to love with my whole being again?
My First Love was A Black Woman Tee turned crop: by @blackandbold_
#BrujaMA #ErynAmelism #PeelBackTheLayers

Pretty stoked I got my shirt from @erynamelism (@erynamelshopee) today. I've had my eye on it for a while ❤️#erynamelism

Finally, #WCW 3 of today is @erynamelism; mama, model and general badass. ❤️

All love!! 🖤🖤😚😚 check out #ThickThighsSaveLives tote repost via @erynamelism “Record your story while you’re still in love with living.” #erynamelism | thank you @keeda_mclean for inviting me to speak to your guests tonight. Im still growing comfortable around large groups of people but your circle is so supportive and attentive. My spirit has been feed plenty lavender this evening.

“Record your story while you’re still in love with living.” #erynamelism | thank you @keeda_mclean for inviting me to speak to your guests tonight. Im still growing comfortable around large groups of people but your circle is so supportive and attentive. My spirit has been feed plenty lavender this evening.

I had such a tumultuous year.. and I'm so humbled to say it is ending justifiably. It's as if the Universe is conspiring around all the the bullsh*t I've powerhoused through.. allowing me to see there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.. and hardwork is SEEN. it pays off. all the skipped meals, the crying spells, were indeed my greatest fast yet. I feel so ready to transform. *wipes eyes with my sleeve* Im so ready.
There are 27 days left in this year and we’re still riding that full moon wave, just that added push of energy to make it through the craziest season of the year. 27 days left, the sage is still burning and my 2018 @iamcardib year is still loading.
#Honestwomanhood #GoodJuju #Erynamelism

Episode 6 featuring @erynamelism is OUT NOW!!! Link in Bio #podcast #erynamelism #erynamel #selfhealing #selflove #selfcare

My only goal in life is to make my grandchildren proud.

Truthfully, if my calculations are correct then that is about when all the work I am putting into building a legacy, will even be noticeable. @joelakamag reminded me today, that the seeds have already been planted. It’s harvest season, or maybe it’ll never come to be... I am not speaking freely to impress anyone, I am being most honest with myself. I want this world to change. Every day- in every way that it is broken. I want the corners to mend, those wounds heal, the financial status of my people to increase, to leave behind images and work that will forever resonate with anyone who has a damn heart— the same heart I plan to share with my grand children, and their children— both by blood and by hardship. I am ready to unfold into the powerhouse I am structuring. I am no where near close, but every single day I learn that I indeed have aspirations and one day, the world will be ready to see them. #GlowUpStillLoading #MomPrenuerDiaries #ErynAmelism
Flare/ Make Up my grand babies will share at show and tell: @imanijahaan
Photographed by @darrentalent For @imanijahaanvintage

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