✨HOW I SURVIVED MY DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL✨
As many of you know about me, over 7 years ago I was so depressed and anxious most days that I could barely get out of bed, not to mention regularly eat, shower, or even speak. Tormented by thoughts of intense self-hatred and despair, I held on for dear life to the last shreds of hope I had that some how I would magically wake up one day and life would be different, even though every passing day told me this was just a far out dream.
Once on fire for life, motivated to the max with academics and creative projects, and successful in every way that mattered to me, during my dark night of the soul it ALL fell away. Every single sturdy identity and "well formulated" reason I had for loving myself was gone. I. JUST. WAS. with nothing left but me, the witness of, what seemed like, my downward spiraled destruction. Oh if only I knew; this was the beginning of my rebirth.
But it would take me yearsssss of fighting against this process to figure out that dying to who I was was the very rite of passage that would allow me to resurrect into who I was meant to be. For all around me were sign posts that what I was experiencing was the very opposite of growth and alignment. With all the messages of "vibrate higher" and "choose a higher thought," I osolated between fervently resisting everything I was experiencing and attempting to pretend I was doing amazing to "align with a higher reality." Man, did this crash and burn.
For with every attempt to escape my suffering, I was in fact just suppressing it deeper within me to fester and grow even stronger. But then I began to read Carl Jung, Ram Dass, and every other non-dual / wholeness promoting author I could learn from. Slowly but surely I began to develop and entirely new way I approaching my darkest parts. My shadow still slips in, but she is finally so welcome here. For instead of desperately trying to push her down and away, I openheartedly invite her into the embrace of my wholeness and unconditional love✨
"Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is."
― Carl Jung