I have written you a hundred letters. More than you ever received from me. I have sung and played a thousand songs, that i would want you to hear, and locked it all up, buried them, somewhere you will never reach. I have written everything i have ever wanted to say, then crushed the papers and tossed them in the bin. The ironical, beautiful pain of this world is that you never know if that action would make a difference, if that word would set things right, if it would ever get better. You have to take that roller coaster ride and get to know. Because honey, no one's gonna tell you. Maybe we're both waiting for each other to be brave or to keep walking away. I have picked up my phone so many times, dialed your number and hung up even before the call could connect. I find my thumbs dancing over that 'send' button. I wonder if you have ever done the same. My mind stops me and reminds me of the pain when my heart wants to push me ahead. I am torn between two sides of my own self. Maybe i am stupid, but we both agree that this wasn't how it was supposed to end, regretting a beginning that deserved a better ending. So i would keep filling papers and keep tossing them away and play songs you would never get to hear.
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