•••• This time 365 days ago, my mother walked in her physical existence, took her last breathe and began her spirit journey. I was freezing cold laying under a tipi at Standing Rock when I received a message from my sister that our mother had overdosed from Fentanyl on Vancouver’s East Hasting. I remember having a moment of pure solitude as I looked at my cold breathe float up towards the tipi poles. The poles seemed like they were especially placed here for this moment, my ancestors beckoning and reminding me of some great purpose much greater than myself. It was relief, peace and an apprehension of the unknown. I had sculpted this moment in my mind since I was a child and wondered if I was ready for this new season of life and more so, the unpredictability of who I might be in the grieving process.
That night a few tears fell down my cheeks. I will never forget that night. I will always be grasping for strength, understanding and peace to rectify the void in my heart, a place where only my mother’s warmth knows. There will be no one else that can fill this space... and I think that’s how it’s meant to be. I have a knowing now of how to be present, a deeper understanding of the preciousness of moments, the fleeting nature of time and the bittersweetness of life. This is one of the greatest and most difficult choices I must make: to know that process of peace is also about letting go. Prolonged sadness can be selfish, it can stop you from loving others, it can stop you from loving yourself, it can stop you from loving Creator. And so I let go and remind myself that you are in greater hands than any that could hold you here. That I forgive you, that I honour you, that I love you. And that it’s my turn to step up, to pray, to be a voice, to make a difference, to break cycles, to fulfill dreams, to be daring, brave and humble and to love the way you loved me when you first held me in your arms as a baby.
It’s been a trying and exciting year, jeez I miss you mom ❤️ 📷: @leftbootnature
#motherdaughter #grieving #mourning #1yearanniversary #healing #reclaimyourpower #indigenousrising #indigenouswomen #reflecting