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#edrelapse

MOST RECENT

Lunch is chickpeas with veggies. I am doing well with the diet but not with the work outs... Hopefully I'll feel better soon n will be able to work out more.
#depressed #ed #edrelapse  #anaisamentalillness #anorexia #anorexiarelapse  #anarelapse #skinny  #thin  #dainty #diet #restrict  #depression #anxiety #fat #ana  #struggling  #bodycheck #weightloss

Dinner at The Habit. I tried their new sesame ginger salad and it wasn’t too bad! They just put a little too much sauce on it the greens were like soaking in sauce but other than that it was pretty okay👌🏼 And I managed to eat a little over half and I didn’t purge afterwards! 🙆🏽‍♀️
Although I don’t know why my mom is so gung-ho about eating out all the time considering she’s a health freak and the person who taught me to read labels when I was like 8 and go for the lowest option of everything (though I don’t harbor any ill-will towards her).
So it’s odd that she’s down to eat out so much all of a sudden. 🤷🏽‍♀️ either way I ate this, and most importantly I ate this and didn’t purge afterwards! I made a commitment to myself to try my hardest not to purge at all today since the past three weeks have been constant purging everyday. I feel so uncomfortable but the day is almost over so it’s looking like I might have a purge-free day! Mixed emotions on that but there is definitely some relief there :)
I hope all your guys’ weekends were nice and you got to relax some 🍂 tomorrow is the start of a new week and while it may feel daunting, there is also so much opportunity for growth and steps forward! Keep fighting on warriors! I believe in you all! ☺️🌻
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#realrecovery #recoveryjourney #recoverywin #recoveryisworthit #struggling #scared #fightingregardless

Almost a year ago. Right when I started gaining weight/just after I got my IUD. I can't bear to look at these photos. I'm so repulsed by myself.
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#adultswitheds #adultswitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordered #eatingdisorderrelapse #edrelapse #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorders #edulting #disorderedeating #edfamily #eatingdisordercommunity #edcommunity #eatingdisorder #edfighter #notinrecovery

So. I started taking one of my meds again (that I sort of abruptly stopped just under a year ago) in hopes it'll calm the binge eating and cravings. I dropped a lot of weight on it when I initially started taking it years ago but that was waaay before the IUD. So idk. I stopped it because I couldn't handle the memory issues and aphasia but I'm at a point where I'd rather deal with that than these weight and eating issues. Since I stopped on my own and stopped seeing my shrink, I have a ton left over and should have enough that I won't need to see anyone again for a while.
Today is my third day taking a low dose (and I was ultimately maxed out dosage wise); I got Chinese last night to binge on and didn't end up even bingeing. Today I have no interest in even eating any but am only eating it because I don't want it to go to waste...
So I'd say so far so good? I'm just nervous it's a fluke.
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#adultswitheds #adultswitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordered #eatingdisorderrelapse #edrelapse #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorders #edulting #disorderedeating #edfamily #eatingdisordercommunity #edcommunity #eatingdisorder #edfighter #notinrecovery

Afternoon snack while at work! Some blueberries and a pack of Belvita breakfast bars! 😋
It feels like it’s been so long since I was at work but it’s only been a little over a week 😝
Some of my coworkers are in the break room right now as I’m eating this and I’m feeling so self conscious. I’m also just catching up on Snapchat and the comparing game is strong right now 😓 comparing myself and how I look to all my friends. Feel like I’m the fattest out of everyone 🙃 and my roommate just asked me if I want to run a 10k with her! 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’ve had a pretty good control over my exercise these past couple months but this last week the urges to overexercise have gotten so big. And I’m so tempted to say yes to my roommate because then it won’t look as weird if I’m running everyday. I can just say I’m getting ready for the marathon.
I’m so unsure of myself lately it’s frustrating. Just got to take it one day, or even on minute, at a time. And take a lot of deep breaths 🧘🏽‍♀️
I hope you all are managing a little better than I am at the moment! Sending loving kindness to you all 🌸
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#realrecovery #recoveryjourney #recoverywin #recoveryisworthit #struggling #scared #fightingregardless

In the past two days I have consumed 3/4 pizza, 1 cherry cheesecake, a pint of ice cream, a box of pierogis, a box of spring rolls, a bag of sweet Maui onion rings, a whopper jr. with fries, over a liter of Diet Coke, and five laxatives. I’ll let you guess as to which of that list stayed down. This is the reality of my eating disorder. It’s disgusting, feels horrible, and might kill me. But hey, the numbers on the scale are going down and that’s what matters right? And to think some people truly believe EDs are about vanity. I wish they could be a fly on my wall. .
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#ed #eatingdisorder #edrelapse #eatingdisorderrelapse #relapse #edfam #edfamily #ednos #ana #anorexia #mia #bulimia #bulimic #bingeeating

I was going to eat two of these little crepe things but I've found sometimes when I eat pastry-like foods and other sweets, the roof of my mouth feels like it's swelling hot, almost blistering/low key burning or just hurts. Sometimes subtle "welts" do actually form but go away after a few minutes. And I can't figure it out because it's not consistent. Like, the last time I had these, it didn't happen. Any ideas?
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#adultswitheds #adultswitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordered #eatingdisorderrelapse #edrelapse #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorders #edulting #disorderedeating #edfamily #eatingdisordercommunity #edcommunity #eatingdisorder #edfighter #notinrecovery

So my aunt bought a new fridge. The freezer is awesome as it holds so much more food, but it’s impossible to hide binge food in!! I have to get back to restricting. B/ping is too fucking expensive and I won’t be able to hide it for long. .
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#ed #eatingdisorder #edrelapse #eatingdisorderrelapse #relapse #edfamily #edfam #ednos #ana #anorexia #mia #bulimia #bulimic #bingeeating

Omg this looks so similar to what I've seen n drawn 2 years ago. Anywho I'm on a diet starting tomorrow n nobody can stop me.
First work out was today tho.
#depressed #ed #edrelapse  #anaisamentalillness #anorexia #anorexiarelapse  #anarelapse #skinny  #thin  #dainty #diet #restrict  #depression #anxiety #fat #ana  #struggling  #bodycheck #weightloss

I’ve been petsitting in a very cold house, so I have 4 blankets on and im sleeping in a sweatshirt and sweatpants (I usually sleep in shorts and a lightweight sports bra). Also eating a night snack.
(PTW) Honesty time: I have a feeling I’m going to be in trouble if I keep up my semi restrictive/semi calorie counting behaviors... luckily IOP hasn’t weighed me in months, so they can’t compare the highest I’ve been recently and punish me in case I lose anything... sorry that was kind of eating disorder thinking... it’s been a weird few weeks trying to battle all of this but also having a part of me that doesn’t give a damn:/
#edrecovery #edrelapse #anorexia #triggers #struggling #doingmybest

New side blog dedicated to what I eat, probably won't post everything everyday, but will when I can. Feel free to request to follow @darksoulmatexx_foodlog
Content may be triggering to those suffering with an eating disorder as it will include my thoughts as well as images of food and possibly body pictures.
#newsideblog #followifyouwant #maybetriggering #edrecovery #edrelapse #eatingdisorder #relapse #recovery #ptw #tw #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdiaorderrelapse

🍩🍩🍩Got a donut from one of the companies that delivers to my job! I didn't have a way to bring it home and new it was going to be best when fresh so just decided to eat it. It was really intimidating and I couldn't finish until my boss left the office but I did it! Was a little annoyed because I started shaking only about an hour later but I'm happy that I got to enjoy this pleasant suprise!!!

Lunch/dinner was 3 carne asada tacos with cilantro on them.
Oh my gosh guys I was literally trying my hardest to hold back tears I wanted to cry so bad.
The restaurant we went to was super small and crowded so it sent my social anxiety to high levels. And when that happens the last thing I want to do is eat. I finished the tacos and then went to purge but my mom kept knocking on he bathroom door so I couldn’t get it all out, which of course made me even more anxious. It was just an all around bad experience that I don’t ever wish to repeat again.
And after we ate we went for ice cream (!!!) which didn’t help at all.
I just feel really fat and gross now. We’re about to start the drive back home which is 3 hours 😥 so 3 hours of sitting still and not being able to move around. Oh boy...
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#tacos #realrecovery #struggling #scared #fightingregardless

Safeway now sells whole cherry cheesecakes instead of just slices!! I’ve been thinking about this binge for daaaaayyyss!!
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#ed #eatingdisorder #edrelapse #eatingdisorderrelapse #relapse #edfamily #edfam #bingeeating #ednos #ana #anorexia #mia #bulimia #bulimic

Lunch. Ham sandwich. No cheese because the texture of cold cheese freaks me out
lol I cannot eat it I never have just cold precooked ham and toasted bread.

I had a serving of pretzel crisps for breakfast also.

#ednos #edfam #eatingdisorder #anorexia #mentalillness #lunch #osfed #edrelapse #atypicalanorexia #notinrecovery

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