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Night snack is a #pintparty with the lovely @kiki_fighting_for_life @lexi_recovering and @katie_edrecovery @coolhaus Molten Chocolate Cake Ice Cream! ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿซ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿช๐ŸŽ‚๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿจ this is the fricking chocolatiest thing ever omg ๐Ÿ˜ I missed being weighed today so it's happening tomorrow ๐Ÿ˜ฌ that's also my first day back at school though so I'm trying to focus on that instead ๐Ÿ™Œ spring break has been really hard in terms of food but I succeeded ๐Ÿ’ชmy meal plan hasn't always been super normal but I got the calories in and ate everything in front of my parents so I didn't cheat ๐Ÿ‘Š it's so hard to accept that this is critical for my life but I'm working on it ๐Ÿ‘ my mom is phoning the bigger hospital tomorrow to get me a specialist since the blood work didn't go well :( funny cuz it's also my dogs first vet appointment ๐Ÿ˜‚ I'm getting some sleep and heading into school early for computer troubles ๐Ÿ˜ด sleep well angels!! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜ xxx #prorecovery #minniemaud #edfam #ednos #edfood #edarmy #edrecovery #anawho #anabitch #anawarrior #anarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverywarrior #recoveryarmy #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #eattogrow #eattogain #edfamily #anafamily #goodbyeed #edcommunity #fearfood #recoverywin

Back at it again ~ University life โœŒ๐Ÿป๐Ÿ“•๐Ÿƒ
Having a place I have to be a few days a week is actually really help to my recovery. Don't get me wrong, the week break was awesome, but I felt myself becoming caught up in the nothingness of my life.....Without university, I basically have no obligations other than necessary doctors appointments and meetings with my psychiatrist ๐Ÿ—ฃ This is probably a good thing too because I honestly don't think I could manage having a job or other commitments as well. However, when I have nothing I HAVE to do, I find I completely lose motivation to do anything. This in turn enhances my negative thoughts and depressive behaviour, dragging my further into the dark pit that is my mind.....๐Ÿ•ณ And once I'm in there, it's almost impossible to engage with reality. I just become this dark shell of a being that wants to withdraw from the world, which I felt I have been for the last several days ๐Ÿ’€ SO being back at uni, believe it or not, is probably good for my mental health ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป(ignoring the fact that my anxiety heightens simply with the mention of the word ๐Ÿ˜… but that's something else to work on)
Also, over the past week I've been reading the book my psych decided for us both to read! Initially he picked a highly literate, politically driven novel involving American social justice which honestly was plain BORING.....๐Ÿ˜ต I'm sure it's a great book but it wasn't really facilitating my desire to get back into reading ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป So instead we read "The Girl on the Train" and I finished it yesterdayโ€ผ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ฑ Not only am I feeling quite proud and accomplished for completing my FIRST book in a long time but I actually LOVED IT โค The story was enthralling and kept me engaged, even when my mind was straining to keep on reading. I always loved crime thrillers and murder mysteries when I used to read because of my curiosity would take over and I would become engrossed in the book ๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ and in reading this I experienced a tiny glimpse of this feeling again โœจ I can't wait to catch up with my psych and discuss my achievement and the story! Hoping to see the movie now ๐ŸŽฅ Has anyone else read it?! If not would totally recommend. Happy Monday everyone xxxx

So my team have been to visit the unit I'm going to next week and a lot of my questions have been answered but I'm unsure whether I'll be allowed my phone/iPad/wifi so I don't know if I'll be able to post or not.
It sounds like a good place but I'm scared, like really scared to go there and it's all a bit information overload at the minute. I wish I could just go home.
#outfit #fashion #selfie #mentalillness #mentalhealth #ootd #ed #edfam #edfamily #edwarrior #edsoldier #edfighter #edrecovery #edrecoveryarmy #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #ana #anarecovery #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #relapse #recovery #realrecovery #prorecovery #inpatient #hospital #mentalhealth #mentalillness #ng #ngtube

Breakfast๐Ÿ˜ Made honey porridg (~50-60g oats, ~250ml almond milk, a tsp of honey or more) and an egg (yes, I fry it both sides, it tastes better in my oppinion :P). Have a nice day!โ˜€๏ธ

Work lunch is nothing new or exciting; avo and turkey sandwich. What IS new (or at least something I've not dealt with for a while) is a creeping feeling of invalidation for my experience. It's completely irrational because I know my experience and I know how hard this recovery is, but as I see other people going into hospitals and programs I begin to wonder "am I even sick?" Why have I been able to pull myself out of this? What makes me different from them? Why can I do it while they cannot? I have a lot of mixed feelings about the value of treatment programs and even more mixed feelings about how they are used&abused by those struggling with mental health, but I can't deny that having that constant external validation that your suffering is "real" is a comfort. Trying to recover while simultaneously maintaining /creating the life of a normal, functional adult involves releasing the need to be identified as sick, and that is incredibly scary when sickness has long been a cornerstone of my identity. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Y'all - it was my 28th birthday yesterday - and I am not a person that has all their shit together. I am a person that still goes home on their 28th birthday, takes a shot, and becomes all nostalgic when they talk to their friends from high school and middle school.
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I am not a person who knows what recovery is. I am just a person who wants to know what it means.
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I am a person who puts up bikini pics about recovery, blocks creepy people from following me, and feels insecure about what eating disorder recovery is. Am I okay to post this? Am I too honest? Am I too open? Should I chill?
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But, at the end of the day, nothing I've done has hurt me from the person I'm becoming. I'm proud of that. I'm okay with it. I've made peace.
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I'm home - I'm with my friends who know me from the early years - I know who I want to be, who I've been - what an eating disorder is - and what it might entail - and I think that's truthfully, all that matters. To be a version of yourself that you are always working to be ๐Ÿ’›
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#edfam #eatingdisorders #edawareness #edfamily #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodypositivity #bodyposi #edrecovery #recoveryforlife #recovery #pcos #pcoswarrior #anarecovery #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfamily #recoveryfam #chooselifewarrior #mentalhealthawareness #pcosfighter #mentalhealth #everyBODYisbeautiful #gainingweightiscool #neda #sundaymorningview #body4me #bodydysmorphia #tattoogirls

~Credo di non poter essere piรน felice di cosรฌ๐Ÿฆ‹ La mostra era bellissima, con tante persone creative ๐ŸŽจe di ispirazione, il pensiero del cibo mi ha sfiorato solo perchรฉ avevo FAME. E se avvisti lo stand ufficiale della Vipiteno non ne approfitti?๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Mi sono presa questo yogurt ๐Ÿฆ immenso alla vaniglia con marmellata di frutti rossi๐Ÿคค Perรฒ dopo mi era rimasto un buchino, quindi che si fa? Ci si fa offrire del buon cioccolato๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐ŸŽ‰Ne ho preso un pezzo ai frutti di bosco e un pezzo al farro soffiato e un altro pezzo alle nocciole non in foto. E SENZA PENSIERI ๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰Ma sono veramente IO? Sรฌ, questa รจ la vera me, quella che fuori si diverte, che non รจ cupa e triste e che mangia quello che le piace!! E se ci aggiunge anche un po' di shopping e un tatuaggio all'hennรฉ (scorrere le foto ๐Ÿ“ท) allora la giornata non puรฒ che essere perfetta๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Ovviamente la cioccolata ๐Ÿซ che ho assaggiato l'ho anche comprata ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Voi come avete passato questa domenica? Spero BENE, รจ cosรฌ bello riassaporare la VITA๐Ÿ˜

#anorexianervosa #nightsnack #anoressianervosa #prorecovery #recoveryisworthit #anafamily #anafighter #edfamily #edfighter #edsoldier #anawarrior #anarecovery #edrecovery #recoveryispossible #beatingeatingdisorder #photooftheday #picoftheday #followme #delicious #fooddiary #foodblog #diarioalimentare #foodporn #foodgasm #fuckana #fearfood #fearfoodchallenge #eatittobeatit #anawho

MOST RECENT

Might look like a mess but was so good!! Hadn't had spaghetti squash in awhile and I forgot how good it is when you add just the right things to it๐Ÿ‘Œ๐ŸผThis was half of a whole spaghetti squash with tomato basil sauce and some deli turkey slices!
#eatingdisorder #ed #anorexia #prorecovery #thinkpositive #edfamily #beated #wecandothis #recover #edfight #eattobeatit #anorexiarecovery #eattogrow #edfighters #nourishnotpunish #eattolive #foodisfuel #fooddiary #eatingdisorderrecovery

I'm so late to post ๐Ÿ˜… also gotta go to bed so I'll just leave this here! Afternoon snack, dinner, and night snack!

Here is a photo from the NEDA walk! The walk ended up raising $15,000 which is amazing!! The money goes towards research for a cure for eating disorders and things like that. This is my second year going and I loved seeing so many people supporting people that struggle and acknowledging the validity of eating disorders.
The walk was actually Saturday so sorry to be just now posting! I posted this photo on my personal and have really struggled since I'm clearly the biggest person in this photo but that is okay! (At least that is what I'm telling myself) I'm allowed to be the fattest one of my friends and still be deserving of food.
#recovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #anorexia #prorecovery #staystrong #edfamily #edfam #edsoldiers #mentalhealth #neda #nedawalk #nedawalk2017

Yum #nightsnack
I barely moved off the couch today. Instead of knowing my body needs the rest, ED told me I was a bum and lazy. I felt guilty and ashamed. Why does he do this? Tomorrow will be a better day,I just keep telling myself to push forward #positivevibes #positivelife #edfamily #prorecovery #edwarrior

Afternoon snack today is a whole box of Andes creme de menthe thins! ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿซ๐ŸŒฑ๐Ÿ—ปI just got back from the doctor and they wouldn't tell me my blood pressure and pulse they just said I'd here from Seattle Children's. I'm hoping that's a good thing cuz they didn't say the er was necessary but I'm also trying not to overthink it ๐Ÿ’ช this snack was sooo challenging too ๐Ÿ‘Š my mum basically forgot because she had to get my sister from soccer first and then they went outside to play with my dog but I reminded her ๐Ÿ‘ she tried to act like she knew but in the end she admitted she was stressed out and omg Ana is so loud rn ๐Ÿ˜ฉ I'm just trying to remind myself that I got to pick my snack this way and would have probably had to have two ensure pluses when my mum did remember :) I'm not sure it's working though ๐Ÿ™„ I'm going to finish up my homework before dinner ๐Ÿค“ I hope you angels had lovely days!! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜˜ xxx #prorecovery #minniemaud #edfam #ednos #edfood #edarmy #edrecovery #anawho #anabitch #anawarrior #anarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverywarrior #recoveryarmy #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #eattogrow #eattogain #edfamily #anafamily #goodbyeed #edcommunity #beated #fuckana #happypoints

For tonight's dinner/nightsnack I'm having a delicious "Gourmet Concha", hahaha. It's a vanilla one and looks amazing ๐Ÿ˜ Also having a milky coffee to wash it down ๐Ÿ˜.
I don't have homework to do, so super relaxing night- watching YouTube videos whilst eating this. And hopefully have an early sleep โ˜บ
Good night and sweet dreams, everyone โค

So sad to see Chocolate Mint Cookie go ๐Ÿ˜ญBut alas, I enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Today in my exercise physiology class, we talked about body composition. I was hoping we'd just speed through the part on being underweight, but many people had questions about it, so I sat there squirming for way too long ๐Ÿ˜‚I was surprised though. The professor asked if anyone had any experiences they wanted to share regarding BMI, and one girl raised her hand. I'd always thought she had the perfect healthy body and I envied how easy she made eating spontaneously seem. She shared that she was called fat in 7th grade and was bulimic for 5 years ๐Ÿ˜ขI seriously had no idea, and there I was thinking the body she hated for so long was perfect. This just reminds me that we are often our own biggest critics. Let's try to be kinder to ourselves. We wouldn't say horrible things about others' appearances, so why do we do that to ourselves? We deserve better โค๏ธ

Breakfast today was brown sugar and maple oatmeal with Greek yogurt! ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿ so my mum called the Seattle area hospital to get me an appointment with their eating disorder team but when she told them my blood pressure they freaked and said I should go to the er :( my mum argued for me though and explained my doctor said I was alright at home but I needed a specialist so they called my doctor instead. She's making me come in for another blood pressure check right after school so I'll update on how that goes ๐Ÿ’ช there's no way I'm going to the er though ๐Ÿ‘Š I feel like I'm making progress weight wise and I don't need that to be all switched up ๐Ÿ‘ on the plus side I got 98 on my AP Lang essay ๐Ÿ™Œ have a lovely day angels!! ๐Ÿ˜˜โค๏ธ xxx #prorecovery #minniemaud #edfam #ednos #edfood #edarmy #edrecovery #anawho #anabitch #anawarrior #anarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverywarrior #recoveryarmy #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #eattogrow #eattogain #edfamily #anafamily #goodbyeed #edcommunity #beated #fuckana #happypoints

I was still hungry after dinner so I accepted some star and onions that was offered to me!!! I have this affinity for little bowls and plates hahaha so here's a little bowl or steak for me ๐Ÿ˜ฌ I'm satisfied now and not hungry so that makes me happy ๐Ÿ˜Œ
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #bulimiarecovery #beated #2fab4ana #edfamily #fightinged #recovery #eattolive #anorexiafighter #bulimiafighter #edfree #foodisfuel #edwarrior #recoveryisworthit #ED #EDsoldier #weightrestored

๐ŸŒผ Lunch was:
โ€ข 1/2 Cup of Rice
โ€ข 30g of Chicken Breast โ€ข 2 Cups of Zucchini and Carrots

Dairy free grilled 'cheese' ๐Ÿ˜

Granola bars have sacred me ever since I've had an ED ๐Ÿ˜… and I was still a little hungry so I decided to challenge myself ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿผ
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These bars are magnificent ๐Ÿ˜ omg way to good .
I'm really struggling with living at my boyfriend's parents house right now ๐Ÿ˜“ i dont know what triggered it but omg I have no more patience anymore ๐Ÿ™„... and I don't want to owe anyone anything ๐Ÿ˜’
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What are fun things to do by yourself ? I was thinking of baking but that gives me WICKED anxiety when people are around ๐Ÿ˜ณ!!
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