#edfamily

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Dinner tonight is mac and cheese with an egg and green beans, chips with beet and ginger dip and black bean hummus and strawberries! 🍓🧀🍜🍝🍳🥚 omg look at this collection 🙌 my mom made me this and let me tell you it was amazing 😍 kinda scary cuz of the volume but still so good 💪 I'm gonna study for ap french tomorrow :) have a lovely evening angels!! ❤️😘 xxx #prorecovery #minniemaud #edfam #ednos #edfood #edarmy #edrecovery #anawho #anabitch #anawarrior #anarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverywarrior #recoveryarmy #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #eattogrow #eattogain #edfamily #anafamily #goodbyeed #edcommunity #fearfood

If I've learned anything in 3 years, it's that there will always be a reason to relapse; always a reason to say "fuck it."

You gotta broken heart, you got a shitty family, you gotta stressful job. Whatever it is - you will find a reason. And there will always be a perfect justification.

Met with the executive director of @eatingrecovery nonprofit this morning - found myself talking about my story. What makes me "different" or more "relatable" to anyone else going though the eating disorder trainwreck.

Transparency, I said. I don't bullshit. I'm not an inspiration guru - I'm just a person who doesn't mind talking about the day-to-day reality.

As I sat there with her, I had to laugh to myself. Here I am - my passion in front of me, the thing in my life I care about most - and I haven't eaten a full meal in days. I've got parents on my ass about weight; friends. It happens slowly, sneakily - and then all at once you're blindly in the cycle.

That's the thing with this tricky eating shit. You convince yourself over and over again "you're fine." We're master manipulators.

"My stomach hurts." "I'm stressed so I can't eat." "I'm not hungry."

You are. Food is not a choice.

Anorexia is not a cure to your heartache. Bingeing is a distraction - not a solution.

You don't get a choice. You eat. You eat because you're an animal and you need it.

Whatever it takes - do it. Don't give it power. Tell your family - lean on your friends. Eat granola bars at 4 in the afternoon. You don't get to stop eating and then be like "oops guess I'm screwed" - it's your choice. It's my choice. And I'm right there in the trenches with y'all, always learning how to be a flexible definition of "okay." 💛

#edfam #eatingdisorders #edawareness #edfamily #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodypositivity #edrecovery #recoveryforlife #recovery #pcoswarrior #anarecovery #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfamily #recoveryfam #mentalhealthawareness #pcosfighter #mentalhealth #everyBODYisbeautiful #neda #bodydysmorphia #edawareness #recoveryisworthit

"You're SO OCD"
People say this as a joke when someone is overly-tidy 🛁 makes excessive lists 🗒 or arranges things colour coded 📕📗📘📙We sometimes even say it about our own little ticks and habits, but few really understand the underlying reality of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder....
#OCD is yet another of my diagnoses but it's not often one I discuss. I think it's due the fact that I feel somewhat self- conscious of my odd little rituals 🙈 I've always had some form of compulsion - be that nail biting, my morning routine, how I eat, exercise routines or making sure my phone is ALWAYS 100% charged (a obsession of mine) 📱My OCD habits mostly revolve around doing things a particular way and their order every single time ⏱ When I do so, it brings me satisfaction and relief 😅 and when I don't I feel disordered and irritated 😥 OCD is an anxiety disorder which relies on the performance of simple tasks in order to prevent "bad things happening". For some this is extreme such as the fear of causing the death of a family member, and in other instances it could just bring the person major distress and anxiety. A person with the disorder often knows that the reasons behind their behaviours are irrational, but it still seems impossible to stop. It's most often based upon a fear of the unknown and what "could be". Be that a fear of contracting a disease, a fear of someone braking in, a fear of losing control of oneself. This paranoia about major negative events which could happen is put at ease by acting out rituals, which in reality do not really lesson their probability of occurring but do in the mind of the individual 🙏🏻 It's hard for us because there is a stereotypical view of what it means to have OCD and a lot of us don't fit into that category. For one, my room is quite messy, I check locks maybe once and I wash my hands a pretty standard amount. Our obsessions and compulsions can be about literally ANYTHING! OCD is also debilitating. Only the people who suffer from OCD know the real pain of it, where sadly most others have only heard of it through a joke. OCD is real and not just a "quirk", it's an illness ♥️

I got the best surprise this morning! I woke up to my boyfriend. I can't wait until we live together, and I can see him every time I open my eyes. He stopped by before he went to work and brought me a shmagel from Sheetz and a french vanilla cappuccino! He can be the sweetest sometimes. I'm so happy I have him on my side! The shmagel had eggs, sausage, and cheese on it. I also made some breakfast taters with it! I never made them like this before, but they were so good! I cut up 2 potatoes and some onion and added oil, butter, cayenne, cumin, paprika, and garlic salt and baked them in the toaster oven for 15 mins on each side! I drizzled ketchup on top, and I loved them! It was a good breakfast and an even better morning! #ana #anawho #anawarrior #edrecovery #edfighter #edfamily #edsoldier #ed #healthyeating #healthyrecovery #realrecovery #anarecovery #prorecovery #anorexiarecovery #eattolive #beatana #beated #anorexia #anorexianervosarecovery #healthyweightgain #edfree

I used to eat porridge every single day but now it's become more of a seldom thing😂 However, I still love it😍😍 I made blueberry porridge using the new flavourdrops from @womensbest First time trying flavourdrops to flavour my porridge and I was surprised how sweet and flavourful it tasted just by adding a few drops! Have a nice day!💕

Buonasera ragazze💕
Oggi con la mia amica ho studiato davvero tanto e ora sono stanchissima😣. Arrivata l'ora della merenda, lei non ha voluto nulla. Perché è a dieta? Perché ha mille paranoie? NO. Perché aveva appena mangiato un'infinità di dorayaki🥞 che le aveva preparato la nonna. Io però avevo FAME, e quindi, anche se da sola, ho fatto merenda con un biscuits moment al cioccolato🍫 e una pesca🍑. Non mi sono sentita affatto in colpa, alla fine lei non ha mangiato nulla solo perché prima aveva mangiato tantissimo (confronto sbagliato lo so, ma ahimè inevitabile...).
Comunque, suo padre ha detto che sarebbe venuto alle 8:15 e invece è arrivato alle NOVE MENO VENTI😱. Sono andata nel panico, davvero. Sapete come l'orario della cena sia per me ancora un GRANDE TABÙ, iniziare a cenare più tardi delle 20;30 mi reca un'ansia incredibile. Infatti proprio a quest'ora ho quasi avuto una crisi, ma sono andata in bagno e mi sono calmata. Per fortuna dopo 10 minuti è arrivato il padre a prenderla, ed io ho potuto cenare con una FAME DA LUPI🐺🐺 (nonostante l'agitazione), con la mia SUPER PIADA🌯💘. Oggi era con base ai mix di semi (una nuova marca, buonissima😍), farcita con bresaola🐮, zucchine grigliate🥒 e pomodorini🍅. Da parte ho mangiato dei broccoli🌳🌳. Ho mangiato più velocemente del solito perché 1) avevo fame 2)non volevo finire troppo tardi.
Ora guarderò un po' di TV📺 e poi andrò a dormire perché questa giornata mi ha davvero sfinita😫😫.
Voi con cosa avete cenato?
Vi auguro una buona serata 🌙

Posting to confirm I'm alive[ing] and thriving, and to rave about this Dutch chocolate I enjoyed for #nightsnack yesterday. Lately I've been inundated with chocolate from various sources and am trying to work through it. I could complain about all the macro/orthorexic concerns it stirs up in me to have this instead of my go-to ensure, or I could just express my profound gratitude and joy that I have people in my life who gift me chocolate!! I choose the latter. I also choose to note: chocolate is delicious. And not just the darkest, "healthiest" chocolate. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

What's that? STRAWBERRY and WHITE CHOCOLATE CAKE(!!!)😱😍 Hell YES! 👍Today I'm slaying my demons and enjoying a nice big slab of my brothers cake! Wow, this was good! 🙊 Yes cake might terrify anorexia but am I bothered? Do I care? No! Cos fears need to be confronted! 💪Today has been tough and yes it would have been much easier to listen to anorexia and have something safer. But where will that get us, apart from just living in fear! 😂 So regardless of today not going to plan or managing to go out and test drive any cars. I'm proud that I still challenged myself and that I didn't listen to any negativity and give up! Time to watch TV and chill. ☺ I hope you all have a great evening too, stay strong and keep fighting soldiers! 💕 #recovery #foodisfuel #foodporn #instafood #nofilter #nutrition #eat #edrecovery #staystrong #edfamily #food #anorexiarecovery #strongnotskinny #edfighter #ana #anorexia #anawho #ed #vsco #healthy #yummy #delicious #chocolate #balancednotclean #realrecovery #recoveryisworthit #prorecovery #anarecovery #ednos #happy

MOST RECENT

So, my sweet pupper has gone over the rainbow bridge to run with other puppers and chase squirrels. I'm so happy she is no longer in pain, but my heart is so broken. She was an amazing, sweet, beautiful princess and I will forever miss her. Until next time, Ellie Mae... 💔💔
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#anorexia #anorexianervosa #ana #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #edfighter #edfamily #edwarrior #anxiety #depression #bodydysmorphia #selfhate #selflove #bopo #bodypositive #eatittobeatit #nourishtoflourish #rollsarentjustforcinnamon #effyourbeautystandards
#embracethesquish #selfloveisthebestlove #honormycurves #aeriereal #recovery #realrecovery

Here were have Truffle Kerfuffle that I got allllll over my shirt 😅currently experiencing anxiety so bad over this Penguins game that I feel like I'm gonna throw up. It's game 7 and it's going to OT!! Like seriously I feel physically ill 😂idk if I should eat more or what. I just don't feel good lol. I guess that's anxiety for ya 🤷🏻‍♀️

#depersonalization is a mental disorder. I've suffered it. I remember when I was an in patient and my beloved therapist went see me. She asked me how I how was coping and I answered her: "I feel like I'm watching myself from above, like I'm flying, like I'm here but I'm not, I'm in peace.. but maybe not. It's the weirdest feeling, I think I haven't felt this before, but I rather feel this, than be anxious and in pain". Then she said that I was facing a depersonalization disorder, and I a said "ok", it sound pretty obvious.
I developed a lot of coping mechanisms, and depersonalization was one of them, and I've not bad memories of it.
#depersonalization #edfamily #edwarrior #edsurvivor #edwarrior #ednos #anarecovery #ana #beatinged #lovemybody #anger #anxiety #anasurvivor #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #courage #mentalhealth #mentalillness #recovery #protherapy #prorecovery

Here is a picture of my cat. UPDATE: okay so this week I dropped down to 3 days in IOP and next week is my last week and I'm only going 2 days! I'm literally scared to death to be done! I mean- on one hand I'm so ready like beyond ready to be outta treatment but deep down I'm scared :( today has been very hard. I did use some behaviors and although I had dinner last minute I'm MEGA struggling with it. I'm t the point in recovery where the behaviors have been low but the thoughts are freaking SO LOUD!!!!! I don't even know what to do. 😣🙃

{ DINNER }

stir fry tonight !!
made with:
~ water chestnuts
~ onions ~ zucchini
~ snap peas
~ edamame
~ red/green pepper 🌶
~ miracle noodles (TW: 5 cals)
~ japanese spices
~ less than 1 tbsp of honey 🍯

i don't know whether or not i should try a snack tonight....

This was the best snack 😍😍😍 cheese it's and triscuits with avocado and pepper 😛😛😛 I want more because it was so bomb but I'm making dinner hahaha
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #bulimiarecovery #beated #2fab4ana #edfamily #fightinged #recovery #eattolive #anorexiafighter #bulimiafighter #edfree #foodisfuel #edwarrior #recoveryisworthit #ED #EDsoldier #weightrestored

I can't express how much joy today brought me. We had a potluck with the clients in our eating disorder intensive outpatient program to celebrate recovery and growth. Everyone came together for a beautiful meal made by staff and clients, full of delicious (and challenging) foods. The support and courage I saw tonight reminded me why I love my job so much. I can't wait for all that my career has in store for me, as the first couple years have been incredible. I'm grateful that my own recovery has led me to such a fulfilling and meaningful life path.
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#therapist #counselor #counselorlife #eatingdisorderrecovery #EDRecovery #EatingDisorder #ProRecovery #RecoveryWarrior #EDWarrior #RecoveryIsWorthIt #BoPo #BodyPositivity #MentalHealth #Advocacy #MentalHealthAwareness #HealthAtEverySize #HAES #IntuitiveEating #AntiDiet #RiotsNotDiets #DietCulture #DitchTheDiet #Feminism #balancednotclean #foodie #eatingdisorderawareness #edfamily #ilovemyjob

haven't felt this sick in a long time 🍂

There is never a wrong time for 🍌 bread but today was an especially good time! Got back from second week of IOP with some renewed motivation to at least not slip backwards because they forced me to remember that although my I may miss the sense of control and numbness my ED provided, by the end it was so clearly a false sense of control, and really all it was doing was taking control of my life. Food, weight, numbers, and obsessive manipulation became the only things I could think about it and every day that I get the fear and excitement of a challenge food or I allow myself to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of change, I am moving towards a life where I don't worry about calories or what other people are eating but about my friends and falling in love and discovering what makes me happy. I may only be able to see the "good" parts of my disorder sometimes but that is an illusion I have already proven wrong and I have to remember that on the tough days 👊 and banana bread is always a good reminder. Stay strong all you beautiful, amazing people, go out and do something new, don't think just act. Every moment is a chance for change and progress, so make a step today and tell ED to fuxk off 💥 #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #recovery #recovering #recoveryday #recoverywin #baking #food #fooddiary #foodisfuel #foodforlife #foodismedicine #fuckana #fuckyoured #edarmy #edfamily #edwarrior #edsoldiers #edrecovery #edcommunity #ana #anawarrior #anafighter #anasoldier #anarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery

Snacking on this and sipping some peppermint tea while I do some art work this morning. Trying desperately to distract myself. Feelings of the day are #scared #confused but also #grateful that I have a beating heart and a roof over my head. I can get through this day and every day to come.
#eatingdisorder#eatingissues#recoveringaussies#beated#foodismedicine#arttherapy#sketching#togetherwecan#anorexia#depression#sesamebar#gluttenfree#anxiety#recoveryart#snack#bulimia#cptsd#ednos#edfamily#edwarrior#hopeful#outpatient

Went for a check up and weigh in at the GP and she freaking told me my weight ugh.
As you could guess I lost it. But I refuse to let it impede my recovery! Mum and I had to go to the hospital to get my yoga bracelet and I wanted a dirty chai (double shot) so I had it! TAKE THAT ED I CAN HAVE WHAT I WANT!! #recoverywin
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#drinks #coffee #dirtychai #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anxiety #bodydysmorphia #ed #edfamily #edwarrior #edfighter #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #ana #anafamily #anawarrior #anafighter #anarecovery #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #outpatient #prorecovery #strongnotskinny #nourishmentnotpunishment #foodismedicine #foodisfuel

Had fettuccine alfredo tonight using those same tofu shirataki noodles but made the sauce a little differently.. Let it simmer on the stove for a bit to thicken up and threw in some cremini mushrooms :)
#eatingdisorder #ed #anorexia #prorecovery #thinkpositive #edfamily #beated #wecandothis #recover #edfight #eattobeatit #anorexiarecovery #eattogrow #edfighters #nourishnotpunish #eattolive #foodisfuel #fooddiary #eatingdisorderrecovery

TW Morning snack/lunch/afternoon snack. Feeling so bad rn I don't want to eat anything being forced to eat that brownie has really messed me up. And I still feel a bit upset over mum not wanting us to go to the mother daughter breakfast this morning because she knew I wouldn't be able to eat anything. But I know I'll get through this just not feeling very positive right now. Maybe I'll have a tea or something after school.

Delicious snack to end a dismal day. I like the added flavor of 4% yogurt. This one was delish. Tonight, I'm feeling frustrated that treatment is taking such a huge portion of my day. I hardly have any time to practice, which is making it hard to keep up with all of my music. I also weighed myself and am a little discouraged because I wanted the number to be higher than it was. I think that since I stopped working out, I've been subconsciously restricting and cutting out a lot of exchanges. Luckily I haven't gotten into any severe restriction but I'm not making the progress that I want/need to be making. I always start the day off having so much positive motivation, but by the end of the day, I feel frustrated that my Ed is still always choosing the lowest calorie foods and I just want my ed to leave me alone!!! #progressnotperfection #eatingdisorderrecovery #anawho #edfighter #edfam #edfamily #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #orthorexiarecovery #anawarrior #anafighter

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