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Late night post to bring a bit of positivity to your day!! ๐Ÿ’œ
So the last few weeks/ months have been really difficult for me.
Depression has got to me and my eating disorder has done its very best to slip back in.
Saying that, this is what I've managed in the last few days.... I've been to the doctors.
Taken my meds every day.
Been able to look at my body and accept that it's ok.
Gotten in the bath to relax.
Taken pictures of myself (which I've been struggling with recently)
Gone back to uni.
Seen my friends.
And I haven't restricted AT ALL in two weeks๐Ÿ˜Š
So to a lot of people these things will be seem trivial, I mean most people do them without thinking but to me and so many others out there these small tasks are like climbing a mountain!! And that's ok!!
So to anyone who's having a really tough time... YOU CAN DO THIS!!! You can get out of bed, you can look after yourself and you can feel amazing about the things you've done today. Because even taking the smallest of steps gets you up the mountain in the end ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป

I'm posting this up because:
1. I thought I looked bigger than what I am and I wanna challenge my phobia of fat/ness in front of you all. Seriously, I know I'm not and even if I were I'm good y'all ๐Ÿ™Œ
2. I wanna start a hashtag with you all called #myrecoverybody, I wanna feature bodies in recovery that don't get featured in campaigns.
1. They have fat. Maybe a lot of it.
2. They have loose skin in places the world would like to shun.
3. They have stretch marks running along their whole system.
4. They might have no hair.
5. They might be in a wheelchair or bed ridden.
6. They might not have ANY curves.
7. They might be flat chested with a big tummy and skinny legs.
8. They might look tired.
9. They might look old/er
10. They might not look perfect but their recovery body is still a body that needs representation.
I got out of a meeting today and we spoke about how we need MORE REPRESENTATION IN THE ED COMMUNITY ๐Ÿ‘
Thinner white women (who are my friends! Hi! This is where your/our beautiful work can come in!) who dominate the community can/need to start talking about these bodies!!!!!!
Because these bodies don't even know if they can get help or if anyone will listen unless they see that it is possible!!!!!!!!!
Not just to remain thin, perfectly curvy, white skin, in het bodies (even tho yes cool! Dope! You fly!), it needs to look fair and representational of ALL who are affected in this messed up culture.
#rantover #recovery #recoveryis #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #edfamily #edcommunity #edawareness

So today has been an exciting day in my recovery! I have finally reached the 40kg mark!! Which means only 2kg away from getting home๐Ÿ˜ I'm so proud of how far I've came, from being admitted at just under 5stone and my bmi under 12, to where I am now! I know I have a long journey ahead when I get home, which won't be easy but I'm so ready to get healthy now! So tonight I celebrated with a wee chippy takeaway๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป

yes it is nearly 6pm and yes I've only just had snack ๐Ÿ˜‚ but it's ok to eat at funny times - like to have lunch early or dinner after dark, and don't let Ana tell you otherwise!! I know so many people (possibly you included?) who struggle to eat outside certain times, and sure I thought "hey it's late I could skip snack"...but NO WAY is that happening. Much better to have snack super late and dinner even later than not have snack at all!!! Especially when your snack is as fabulous as these two club bars ๐Ÿ˜ #snack #recovery #recovering #recoverywin #edrecovery #2fab4ana #anarecovery #anorexianervosa #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #realrecovery #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #anorexiarecovery #beatana #fuckana #anawho #anawarrior #anafighter #anasoldier #edfighter #edsoldier #edfamily #edfam #edcommunity #mentalhealthawareness #orthorexia #eatittobeatit #nourishnotpunish #prorecovery

Volt & Military today ๐Ÿ”ชโŒš๏ธ

"She needed a hero, so that's what she became." I've been sick all day so I spent some time working on my outfit for the NYC @neda walk next Sunday. Some may think it's silly to wear a cape (haha I think it is too!!) but the love I have for the recovery community makes it worth it. Eating disorders are battles. They're not pretty or glamorous. There is so much suffering - much of it loved ones and supports don't even see. But it's the community, togetherness, support, love, and a bit of humor along the way that makes recovery so worth it for me, so I want to share that with others who may still be in that suffering. You are never alone. And you are capable of healing. Let's be recovery heroes together. ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’š #recoverygirl

Challenge snack today was a chocolate almond turtle. We went into the candy shop and I was very overwhelmed. I had to step out with one of my DC's because I was starting to panic. I eventually was able to go back in and pick something out. I thought it was just chocolate covered almonds until I started eating it. I do have to say that I liked the taste, but my urges are still very high. TW I have acted on my exercising behavior multiple times this week and I am trying to abstain today. I have always seen it as a distraction rather then a behavior, but I'm starting to realize now that it is part of my ed.
#bulimia #bulimiarecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #orthorexia #orthorexiarecovery #edfamily #edrecovery #edwarrior #edcommunity #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #php

Morning! My Sunday breakfast of greatness was soya porridge and then pbj crumpets. I haven't had porridge in so long! It had become a fear so obviously that had to be challenged. Hope you're all doing well this morning, I'm still half asleep if I'm honest๐Ÿ˜… I haven't got much planned today except for maybe going out with my Mum this afternoon. I'll probably spend this morning doing some tidying (I know, I mess things up so quickly)๐Ÿ˜‚ and then a spot of self care as self care is always welcome! Hope you have a fab day๐ŸŒป

#recoveryispossible #recovery #edfighter #edwarrior #edfam #edcommunity #edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosa #fuckana #2fab4ana #anawho #bethebiggerbully #balancednotclean #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatittobeatit #nourishnotpunish #anafighter #anawarrior #veganrecovery #veganfoodshare #whatveganseat #realrecovery #prorecovery #anasoldier #edsoldier #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #recoverywin


Dinner was soup and a bum with butter๐ŸŒŸ
TW Not doing too great. Skipped my snacks, but told parents at dinner. Having big might snack. I'll be okay but I hate these thoughts. I wish I could just eat and not feel guilty. Eat and actually enjoy the food. Allow myself to have whatever I'm craving

Okay so yesterday morning I was making a post for this account and I accidently posted it to my personal account, where I have 500 followers which include family, friends, co-workers, and classmates. I had it up for maybe like 2 minutes before I realized it and one girl already liked it by the the time I noticed. I don't know her too well but still. I'm freaking out about who else saw it. I had hashtags like "anorexia" and stuff along those lines. Not one single person knows I have these struggles and I had a huge anxiety attack all day yesterday worrying. I'm not ready to tell anyone this and I don't want people I'm not that close with to know. I don't want people to think of me differently. So I protected this account for a day to just have a peace of mind. In a way though it made me realize to not be ashamed of who I am. Everyone struggles with something and I shouldn't care what others think. If someone is going to say something to me that's judgemental, that just shows how they are as a person, not me. Does anyone else struggle with others knowing they have an ed or another mental illness or worry about people thinking of you differently?

#ed #edrecovery #healthynotskinny #eddiary #bingerecovery #anarecovery #anorexia #ednos #osfed #mentalillness #edcommunity #fearfood #depression #anxiety #bodydysmorphia #selflove #selfcare #bodypositive #bodypositivity #loveyourself #bulimia #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #ocd #prorecovery #youreenough

That's what we need to remind ourselves everyday ๐Ÿ’ž
I've been feeling worse than usual today, super cold and a little feverish ๐Ÿคง so I'm heading out to buy some cold remedies then โžก๏ธ pjs and relax ๐Ÿฆ„
This illness is starting to scare me really bad again, the last time I got a cold while I was such at a low weight I've been rushed to the ER so yeah, gotta take care of myself properly. Love you ๐Ÿ‡๐Ÿ’–

Day 2/60 โ€ข Breakfast โ€ข Jumbo blueberry muffin โ˜€๏ธ

Up to 40 members and still growing ๐ŸšจFACEBOOK GROUP๐Ÿšจ
I finally made an actual Facebook group(NOT JUST A PAGE) I thought it would be a cool place to post when ig is on the fritz (WHICH IS OFTEN NOW) I might be able to do some product drops, updates, and news there as well. Thanks for all of your love and support guys and gals. You all ROCK. Maybe we can do some more custom wallet winners like last weekend

#resinwallet #pocketdump #nomadbrotherhood #gearsale #doyouevenedcbro #valhallawallet #Americanmade #handmade #wallet #dump #usn #geardump #valhallaknuckz #minimalistwallet #honortillvalhalla #edcporn #minimal #edcdump #geardump #edc #madeinvalhalla #nomadfamily #edcommunity #knifecommunity #knifemaking #knifescales #beautiful #love #beauty

When a small, 40-gramms heavy choco bar isn't just enough because my awesomeness requires far far more of this yummy stuff ๐Ÿซ๐Ÿ˜‰.
This chocolate comes in small packages as well, and during my latest relapse I could barely eat only that tiny bar leaving my body craving for more.
Ever since I've had this weird relationship with this chocolate. I got paniced, I was scared this will run out, that all food will run out and I'm left starving.
Makes perfect sense! ๐Ÿƒ

How did I fix it?
By eating this specific chocolate as much as I could. I'm still not completely comfy around this because I feel I have to eat it all before it runs out. But it will ease as long as I keep eating it as much as my body asks to ๐Ÿƒ

I bet so many have experienced something similar, so here's my best advice for you:
Eat it until you feel you're so sick of that food, and still keep on eating. Once your body realises you're not going to starve it again, it starts to relax.
Even if you "binge" (I hate this word because you do not binge in recovery!!!) just keep on eating.
Eat your way out ๐Ÿƒ

And enjoy the food! ๐ŸŸ๐Ÿญ

night meal from last night! A little calorie dense which is making me uncomfortable this morning but i'm just trying to remind myself that my body needs food to have energy and repair itself and if i don't let that happen i'm only going to go in a dangerous direction. it's okay to eat food and it's necessary to eat more when your body is not at 100%. I was so exhausted before this meal and i may have just gone to sleep after but i think that's just what i needed anyway. having a real hard time convincing myself this was not a failure but a step towards recovery and repairing the damage i've done to myself. the only way to get better is to eat more and if this allowed me to eat more than usual thats good, not irresponsible or gluttonous.

haven't had these in forever!!๐Ÿ˜ big step up as well having 3, and next time I'll top this off by having 4!๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป that's the goal, as well as cracking great big chocolate bars for snack again and various dishes cooked by me ๐Ÿ˜Œ having goals is a great way of tackling this whole recovery business and keeping ana on her toes! Keep fighting everyone and keep making and breaking those challenges ๐Ÿ’˜ #snack #recovery #recovering #recoverywin #edrecovery #2fab4ana #anarecovery #anorexianervosa #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #realrecovery #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #anorexiarecovery #beatana #fuckana #anawho #anawarrior #anafighter #anasoldier #edfighter #edsoldier #edfamily #edfam #edcommunity #mentalhealthawareness #orthorexia #eatittobeatit #nourishnotpunish #prorecovery

Vegan and raw food cakes at the local harvest festival ๐ŸŒฝ๐Ÿฅ•

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