#edawareness

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Lunch today is some leftovers from last night and toast. Carbs carbs with a side of carbs lmao. Reheated mashed potatoes are never as good as the ones right off the stove. Ana told me I had put in too much so I added more and toast. Stay safe🌟🦁❤️

Finding balance. This can be a challenge, this can create chaos, noise and discomfort... the first step to finding balance is trusting yourself, trust yourself to take care of yourself. Balance may involve sacrifice... YOU will catch yourself, and you will get back up and teeter around to find balance yet again! Self-care, motivation and self-compassion is how I achieve balance, how do YOU reach balance?! #recoveryloveandcare #aeriereal .
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Sports bra: @aerie
High waisted pants: @aerie
Photo: @anerisphotos

🌄🌒🍷🍴🥖Monthly eat-dinner-alone and deal with it brigade. Potato chips. Sandwich. Prosciutto. Fig. Brie.

It was good. I enjoyed. Started talking to an older couple - we swapped business cards. Are gonna have lunch.

Brought my computer. Still not 100% comfortable having a meal alone without looking like "I have a reason to."

How first world, some would say. I get it. I never said eating disorder recovery is logical or even remotely capable of being "bigger picture."

But, it's the testing yeah? It's the amount of uncomfortable situations you're willing to have.

Test and try. Experience and succeed or fail. None of it's concrete or fact. I can be the perfect eating disorder advocate one day - and a shit example the next.

I said this to someone the other day: but we're all just a series of choices. We don't have to make the same ones every day. We're free to make them thousands of times a day. Thousands.

Were not linear - were animals. We walk in circles and lines and veer and follow.

I like being human anyhow, though. Experiencing it all 💛

#pcos #pcosawareness #pcosproblems #pcoswarrior #pcoslife #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edfighter #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #bopo #bopowarrior #edfam #edawareness #edfamily #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodypositivity #bodyposi #recoveryforlife #anarecovery #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfamily #recoveryfam #chooselifewarrior #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #neda #body4me #bodydysmorphia

SURGERY UPDATE 3 -- Day 5 post op of my #abdominoplasty & I'm still in a lot of pain tbh 😔 I had my appointment at the hospital to remove my drainage tubes yesterday and I feel a lot better in my tummy! So like I said before, I saw my tummy for the first time and I was so happy I literally cried. My belly button is so perfect and round, my tummy is so flat, and my incision is the neatest stitching I've ever seen in my life. I couldn't be happier with the results 💕 for the first time in my life I have a flat stomach and it is so smooth... I'm mind blown. #snapsnapforthesnipsnip✂️🗡 _________________

I also went home to my parents place today -- where I'll be staying for the next few weeks while I recover and it's honestly nice to be home with the parentals.. ya know? I'm definitely going to miss my friends but it's going to be a healthy break from everything else #postivity 😊

___________________

And a few of you have asked for pictures of my tummy-- I'm going to be sharing some of that next week after I have my 2nd post op appt -- So #staytuned 📸

______________________________

#bodypositivity #bopo #recovery
#selflove #effyourbeautystandards #muscle #fitness #loveyourself #workout #bodylove #happy #torontofitfam #toronto #girlswholift #the6ix #edawareness #neda #sundaymorningview #thick #legday #bootybuilding #gym #gains

"Don't let your mind bully your body" #recovery #edawareness #stength #hope

‼️SCARY CONFESSION‼️ Sweaty AF post cardio. So, over my birthday weekend I binged. I had alcohol, which fit in my macros, but took my body off keto. Then pancakes and hibachi and smores and pasta and ugh. I'm around 1600-2000 cals over and admitting I have a binging problem is the first step. (I feel kind of melodramatic saying that bc there are so many more serious problems out there, but I'm sort of treating it like alcoholism- like I'm 2 days binge free?) it was the first time I've ever binged in my life and thought about it while doing it. I never called it that before, and I never even felt guilty while doing it, I was just like oh it was a refeed or a cheat meal or whatever, probably shouldn't have done that, but I didn't ACKNOWLEDGE the problem. I felt SO guilty bc my coach can't help me if I'm not honest with him. So I told him, and we are working on a solution. I feel like I am the reason I haven't seen progress because if I lost 4 pounds by now my cheats and binges have cancelled it out 😔 but here I am, being honest with all of you. And from this point forward I want to have a #perfectprep ! Or at least, as perfect as possible. I have some HUGE life decisions that I need to make in the upcoming weeks and I'm hoping I bring myself closer to my goals. But here we go, last 8 weeks 🤗

#binge #bingeeating #awareness #edawareness #eatingdisorder #beinghonestwithmyself

Difference a few days make! 😕
Not how I'd predicted my week to go on Mon or even Tues, but then Weds happened..😟
Had ward round & the consultant basically wasn't happy with how the previous week had gone & so told me my progress wasn't good enough & so was discharging me from the ED unit the next day (not what I wanted, but had no say in the matter).
Things kind of went more downhill after & I didn't really see any point to anything. Won't go into details but an hca found me in an 'altered state' at 12.30pm after running off (she came to see where I was to send me to lunch), so she went to find my keyworker. Mel came into my room with the hca whilst I was writing a note for Mel & held my hand & sat & spoke to me to find out what had occurred. They then took me to the clinic room in a wheelchair, as I was too drowsy to walk.Tried to leave, but Mel & Sandra wouldn't let me out of the clinic.
Ended up being admitted to medical via ambulance. 🚑
My nurse was supposed to finish at 3, but said she wanted to stay with me, so came to the hospital 🏥 & stayed by my side until 6.45, bless her. 💜
Was discharged back to the ward 8pm Thurs after treatment 💉 & stayed in bed 🛌 until Fri noon (apart from showering).
The psych was still adamant to discharge me, but said it'd be through being transferred to an adult psych unit, as she wasn't sure how safe I'd be, so now that's where I am. Didn't want to come here, but it was either agree or be sectioned.
Not sure what's happening now. Don't want to be on this ward & I'm already struggling with my Anorexia & my weight ⚖ upon admission last night showed I'm down 2kgs from Tues.
Haven't eaten since Weds morning, but started having water again last night.
Not sure what else to say other than sorry for letting everyone down.
Really wanted to get better at the ED unit, but now things have taken a dramatic direction change & tbqh..I'm terrified. 😢
#hospital #inpatient #health #fitness #wellbeing #fitfam #anorexia #anorexic #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #EDawareness #EDcommunity #EDfamily #EDfighter #EDrecovery #EDsoldiers #EDwarrior #recovery #recoveryvsrelapse #relapsevsrecovery #breakthestigma

A post from @samanthafaye__ made me think about the wall that I put up to try and pretend that everything is fine and dandy everyday. Well it's not. Everyday has its ups and downs. The struggles that I face/have faced take a lot out of me and I try to make it look like everything is fine. I hope that posting more about being vulnerable and opening up that things will get easier and I won't have to face that wall anymore. So I might as well try. For starters, read this https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-couldnt-just-eat by @fit_sarah177 . I will touch on it in my next post. 💖

MOST RECENT

Every calorie you consume is nerve racking because you are afraid it's going to automatically get stored as fat on your body. Every time you aren't in control of a meal your anxiety is extremely high usually to the point of trying not to cry. The thoughts racing through your head telling you negative thoughts about your body and what you're eating won't stop. These are just a few of the things about dealing with an eating disorder. This isn't to make you feel bad for me or people with them it's to try and educate others who don't understand so that you can try and just be there for them rather than trying to force things at them that will make them more anxious like saying "just eat". However, I have overcome the whole "want to be skinny" and have come extremely far but the fears and thoughts still come and go. There is hope that you will get past this too you just need to take it step by step.
Try things that scare you until they get easier and easier 💖

Happily wearing shorts I haven't worn in 4+ years because they were too big. 🙌🏼
#gainingweightiscool
#recoverywin

Idk why but I really liked this

SURGERY UPDATE 3 -- Day 5 post op of my #abdominoplasty & I'm still in a lot of pain tbh 😔 I had my appointment at the hospital to remove my drainage tubes yesterday and I feel a lot better in my tummy! So like I said before, I saw my tummy for the first time and I was so happy I literally cried. My belly button is so perfect and round, my tummy is so flat, and my incision is the neatest stitching I've ever seen in my life. I couldn't be happier with the results 💕 for the first time in my life I have a flat stomach and it is so smooth... I'm mind blown. #snapsnapforthesnipsnip✂️🗡 _________________

I also went home to my parents place today -- where I'll be staying for the next few weeks while I recover and it's honestly nice to be home with the parentals.. ya know? I'm definitely going to miss my friends but it's going to be a healthy break from everything else #postivity 😊

___________________

And a few of you have asked for pictures of my tummy-- I'm going to be sharing some of that next week after I have my 2nd post op appt -- So #staytuned 📸

______________________________

#bodypositivity #bopo #recovery
#selflove #effyourbeautystandards #muscle #fitness #loveyourself #workout #bodylove #happy #torontofitfam #toronto #girlswholift #the6ix #edawareness #neda #sundaymorningview #thick #legday #bootybuilding #gym #gains

todays brekie was peaches🍑strawbs🍓alpro yog and cookie pieces from some i had yesterday! struggling a bit today but pushing through! i hope you're all having an amazing day🌻
#recovery #edrecovery #edfam #anorexia #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #edawareness #edwarrior

Finding balance. This can be a challenge, this can create chaos, noise and discomfort... the first step to finding balance is trusting yourself, trust yourself to take care of yourself. Balance may involve sacrifice... YOU will catch yourself, and you will get back up and teeter around to find balance yet again! Self-care, motivation and self-compassion is how I achieve balance, how do YOU reach balance?! #recoveryloveandcare #aeriereal .
.
Sports bra: @aerie
High waisted pants: @aerie
Photo: @anerisphotos

Difference a few days make! 😕
Not how I'd predicted my week to go on Mon or even Tues, but then Weds happened..😟
Had ward round & the consultant basically wasn't happy with how the previous week had gone & so told me my progress wasn't good enough & so was discharging me from the ED unit the next day (not what I wanted, but had no say in the matter).
Things kind of went more downhill after & I didn't really see any point to anything. Won't go into details but an hca found me in an 'altered state' at 12.30pm after running off (she came to see where I was to send me to lunch), so she went to find my keyworker. Mel came into my room with the hca whilst I was writing a note for Mel & held my hand & sat & spoke to me to find out what had occurred. They then took me to the clinic room in a wheelchair, as I was too drowsy to walk.Tried to leave, but Mel & Sandra wouldn't let me out of the clinic.
Ended up being admitted to medical via ambulance. 🚑
My nurse was supposed to finish at 3, but said she wanted to stay with me, so came to the hospital 🏥 & stayed by my side until 6.45, bless her. 💜
Was discharged back to the ward 8pm Thurs after treatment 💉 & stayed in bed 🛌 until Fri noon (apart from showering).
The psych was still adamant to discharge me, but said it'd be through being transferred to an adult psych unit, as she wasn't sure how safe I'd be, so now that's where I am. Didn't want to come here, but it was either agree or be sectioned.
Not sure what's happening now. Don't want to be on this ward & I'm already struggling with my Anorexia & my weight ⚖ upon admission last night showed I'm down 2kgs from Tues.
Haven't eaten since Weds morning, but started having water again last night.
Not sure what else to say other than sorry for letting everyone down.
Really wanted to get better at the ED unit, but now things have taken a dramatic direction change & tbqh..I'm terrified. 😢
#hospital #inpatient #health #fitness #wellbeing #fitfam #anorexia #anorexic #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #mentalhealth #EDawareness #EDcommunity #EDfamily #EDfighter #EDrecovery #EDsoldiers #EDwarrior #recovery #recoveryvsrelapse #relapsevsrecovery #breakthestigma

Breakfast at the airport is a porridge from pret with fruit. May not finish it, but at least I didn't check the calories 😌

TW: EDs, ED behaviours
When you look at me, do you think, "hey, she probably has anorexia"?
Or any eating disorder for that matter?
If you knew what I looked like 3 years ago (when I was heavily restricting, over exercising and purging), does your answer change?
My guess is no. I am thin & I was almost 20 lbs thinner back then, but I've never looked like what the media deems as "sick enough" to have an ED.
This really sucks because not only do I have a LIFE THREATENING disorder but I feel like I have to "prove" it to myself and those around me (which encourages my ED behaviours).
The @fearlesslyfaceless campaign nails how I've been feeling lately with conversation around EDs in the media and movies like To the Bone.
When we restrict our perceptions of EDs to a specific race, religion, weight, height, age, gender, sexual orientation, etc., we tell anyone else that is struggling that they aren't sick enough/ worthy of treatment and this NEEDS to STOP ✋🏼
ED sufferers do not have a "look". It is impossible to assign a "face" to an illness that is diagnosed based on behaviours.
I choose to be faceless in this post to make the point that I do not have to "look sick" to be sick.
I live with an eating disorder & I am #fearlesslyfaceless.

Awkward holding I know. I had about half of this halotop for dessert. Had half because this ice cream is so light it just sits on top of everything else in your stomach. I didn't want to feel sick. I'll eat the other half tomorrow. Stay safe🌟🦁❤️

I'm totes done skipping out on life because of my weight and how I look.
Totes embracing the things I used to hate about myself.

Totes claiming my fabulousness.
Totes having a dance party to Disney music in my driveway, jumping like my feet are lil' bitty spring boards!

Your weight doesn't determine your worth! I pinky promise.

Ok, I'm done posting for the day.

Have a great evening, fam 🍦

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