Hello it's me! I'm not gonna lie sharing is extemely hard and scares me to death. It has been 7 years between these 2 photos. 7 years trapped inside anorexia, bulimia, to BED. Within each illness I remember thinking I will never get out of this illness. Even though I have been "physically" recovered for the last 3 years. Mentally I wasn't even close. I was still engaging in behaviors that weren't visible from the outside. I remember being in my darkest lowest moments, thinking if I ever get myself out of this I'm going to do everything in my power to help someone else, like I wish someone could've done for me. So here I am, being vulnerable, doing something hard.
Almost a year ago this time, I was in the ER due to a suicide attempt. It took me to get below rock bottom, to the point I was terrified of my own mind, to realize I had to make some serious life changes. I picked little things I could to better myself daily, so I didn't feel overwhelmed. One of those was exercise. Although I was an active child, once my eating disorder took over I engaged in exercise as a punishment. Now I CHOOSE to exercise because nothing makes me HAPPIER. for the first time in my entire life I have come to truly love my body, and that didn't happen by reaching a certain weight or body aesthetic it came because I realized the power of my body and what it allows me to do. I in no way think I am a fitness icon, in fact I still walk around the gym half the time pretending like I know what I'm doing😂 the point of this post is nothing to do with physicality (even though there are drastic changes between these two pictures) what people don't often realize is there would be no physical change without mental change first. But what is ironic is I had to physically push my body, release endorphins daily, and fuel myself with nutrients for my brain to balance and actually see mental changes. Changing my lifestyle, changed my life. This may sound a little extreme but if it wasn't for exercise I don't believe I would be here to share this post.
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