Anorexia. A monster that's always been living inside you but waits to attack you until it finds the right moment: when you are at yor weakest. Once it awakens, it starts to slowely and silently eat you from inside. You aren't even aware of it, you might get stomach aches, you might lose appetite, you might get a wrong body image of yourself. Whatever it is that anorexia does to you (there are different kinds of these monsters), you feed her by losing weight. It grows and grows until it's strong enough to control your mind and your actions, strong enough to destroy you. You cannot escape it, it's too strong and you're just a tiny weak thing on the ground, unable to fight against it. The less you weight, the bigger it grows. You feel worthless and the idea of fading away doesn't even feel that bad anymoe, no one wants to live with such a monster inside themselves. Anorexia is such a strong and powerful monster and it's almost impossible to escape that vicious cycle she puts you in. Food, calories, weight. Planning, controlling, restricting. That's all that matters. It's horrible. It's painful. It's tiring. It's draining. You want to escape. But you can't.
That's exactly how I felt/feel about anorexia. It's a monster inside you. But I'm here to give you hope. There is a chance to get better, to get healthy! I really really advice you to go to hospital/clinic first so that you're actually forced to gain weight. The illness inside you just can't do anything against that. Once you're at a more acceptable weight, recovery might be easier. You need to fight. You need to put effort in it. You need to feed yourself in order to destroy that monster. The less you weight the more it grows BUT the healthier you get the more it shrinks! Please never ever give up, it is possible, find motivation to fight that monster and beat her! I know you can do it if I could do it!!!💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 (to those who think its' photoshop, go and educate yourself, it's time to know about such illnesses, everything else is embarrassing!)