Recovery vs REALcovery. #recoveryeeeats .
Recovery isn’t always as pretty as my instagram makes it out to be. In fact, it’s not pretty at all. It’s messy. Everyday feels like constant wrong doing. I feel like I am going against everything I ever knew about my body, my health and food. Everyday I try to follow my hunger cues and eat what I crave. I can’t say that I do this 100% of the time since my ED mind still take hold of the steering wheel every so often. But here are some facts. Recovery doesn’t mean only eating candy and pizza, although I totally could if I wanted. Recovery, at least in my case, means acknowledging that No food is BAD food. I try to remind myself of that everyday, whether my morning starts off with a bowl of yogurt and berries or funfetti pancakes. That’s where the mess comes in. I grew up believing that if you weren’t happy with your body or your weight you just modify your diet and exercise accordingly to lose. I can no longer do that. Poor body image is still a thing, some days more so than others, but that is recovery, honestly it’s life. I acknowledge that not everyday is going to be pretty. I try to pick out one thing I love about myself daily or at least what I am grateful for. But with every thought I have about my weight or body, muscle memory brings me back to my dieting mentality. The messy part is going into the kitchen and still listening to what I crave, not what my brain thinks is caloricly “good” for my waist line because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. What matters is my SOUL. And though that isn’t fully rebuilt yet, every time I take a bite out of something I truly want, I patch up a little piece that I had so badly beaten.