#eatingdisorder

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I WENT JEANS SHOPPING!
I haven't been shopping for jeans, tried them on in store, got the correct size and loved them in NEVER!
NEVER HAS THAT HAPPENED.

I went after a lovely big pizza lunch with a lovely food baby and grabbed the size larger than my jeans at home as they're too small now (which is perfectly okay!) and faced the changing rooms with Eli as my cheerleader!

This would have not been possible a few months ago before this account.
ITS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND SET.

Clothes shopping was my nemesis, WAS! I'm slowly but surely telling it to suck it👊🏻👏🏻❤

I am NOT my weight 💪🏻💕 Your lowest weight is NOT a trophy 🏆 It doesn't make you special or better or worse than anyone else. You are no more accomplished, strong-willed or "sick" than anyone else because of it. It doesn't make you delicate or dainty or precious in any way 🍃 Regardless of the number, you were sick. Very sick. Eating disorders kill and don't discriminate in relation to a person's weight. They affect people of all ages, cultures, races, sexes, religions and body types 👧🏼👳🏾👩🏻👵🏻 #Flashback to the left where yes I was at my lowest weight, admitted as an inpatient in a psychiatric unit, but was I happy at this weight? Did I feel it gave me greater worth than someone of a higher weight? NO. And I never would, because the truth is that people with eating disorders are never satisfied with their weight 🙅🏻 And they will continue to obsess about the number on the scale until they become so sick they disappear from existence......UNLESS they can learn where their true value lies ✨ Realise that their sickness isn't what's valuable about them and isn't the only means by which to be loved and taken care of 💗 This isn't easy because for so long they have measured their worth in their appearance and that ghastly number on the scale ⚖️ but it isn't impossible. In fact there are more people out there who have gone through their own body dissatisfaction than you know, and have been able to find strength in who they REALLY are and fight against their ill thoughts 👊🏻 So who are you really? Well you are NOT your appearance. You are NOT how skinny, or tanned, or muscular, or curvy you are. You are NOT how much you've eaten or how many times you skipped a meal. You are NOT other people's opinions of you. You are NOT your weight 💕💫🙌🏻

No make up.
Wet hair.
Belly rolls out for full display.
Still feel good.
Sometimes you just gotta put on your sexiest underwear, listen to some @ddlovato and take some fine photos.
It's okay to feel good about yourself!! ❤️💕

I'm fucking exhausted

Trying to booty pose when you're depleted as fuhhh like 😅
Counting down the days for my sushi refeed (5 days to be exact) 🍣
Is sushi anyone else's favorite food?! #shreddingforthewedding #andthebahamas
Shirt: @strong_physiquez maroon tee in size XS

Dinner is asparagus, udon noodles and ground turkey in marinara sauce with unpictured cream! 😋🍝🍜🍅🦃🥛 my mom literally poured heavy whipping cream on this 😱 and I'm scared but it was so good 👏 I've tried so hard today but i still have an unknown calorie snack left and I'm scared 🙄 support needed! 🙌 have a lovely evening angels!! ❤️😘 xxx #prorecovery #minniemaud #edfam #ednos #edfood #edarmy #edrecovery #anawho #anabitch #anawarrior #anarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverywarrior #recoveryarmy #anorexia #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #eattolive #eattogrow #eattogain #edfamily #anafamily #goodbyeed #edcommunity #beated #fuckana #happypoints

//(instagram hat meinen beitrag gerade gelöscht aber mir ist das thema wichtig deshalb nochmal...)guten morgen! über 15kg liegen mittlerweile zwischen denn beiden bildern und auch wenn es mir nicht leicht fällt,so etwas zu teilen,hoffe ich damit wenigstens ein paar leute motivieren zu können! denn körperlich und psychisch wieder gesund zu werden ist für jeden möglich aber nichts das andere für einen tuen können ! zu den schwierigsten zeiten meiner essstörung war für mich klar,es gibt keinen grund an meinem problemen zu arbeiten.ehe ich gezwungenermaßen ins krankenhaus muss oder eine zwangsernährung bekomme.alles darunter bedeutete ich war nicht 'krank' genug aber das ist nur eine lüge die einem die essstörung vorgaukelt! nur ein weiterer punkt in diesem kranken konkurrenz kampf der so stark zum thema essstörung gehört. die wahrheit ist,man braucht das alles nicht um der kompletten welt oder sich selbst zu beweisen,dass man ein problem hat und es schon längst kein normales essverhalten mehr ist! die wahreit ist,dass man das krank sein niemanden beweisen muss! man muss einfach nur gesund werden und zwar für SICHSELSBT. der welt um einen herum zu beweisen das man besonders starke probleme hat oder außergewöhnlich ist,ist nämlich nur ein symptom der krankheit. ich für mich,möchte von anderen lieber als gesund,fröhlich,intelligent,sportlich...gesehen werden und da würde ich noch so viele weitere punkte finden! mehr als mir die essstörung jemals gegeben hat und langsam aber sicher erreiche ich die auch🚀habt einen wunderbaren tag!\\

No long caption today... just living with myself and appreciating the fact I survived and continue to every day.
- 💋
It's not easy at the moment but it's ok.
Some days, months or years... it's ok for your biggest achievement to be that you survived! -
💋
You should be proud of yourself! -
💋
Photography 📷 @mimi.inglis.photogrpahy #positivebeatsperfect
#survivor

Black, grey or red? (Slide to left). I'm literally the worst whe it comes to making decisions and choosing. Therefore I ask you haha :D simple and basic dress, which colour?🙈☺️

MOST RECENT

Mijn dag begon geweldig, ben naar mijn beste vriendin d'r huis geweest waar we gewoon gechillt en gelachen hebben. Daarna besloot ik mijn biologische vader te bellen aagezien die mij wilde zien. Dus ik ben met hem, hij gaat mij helemaal uitschelden en vooral gemeen zijn tegen mij. "Als je jezelf niet afmaakt, maak ik jou af." Ik keek hem aan van, wow... Hij haat mij echt heel erg. Ik haat hem ook, maar ja. Hij denkt het met geld weer goed te maken, maar dat is niet zo. Daarna ruzie gehad met mijn vriendje omdat hij een gameverslaving heeft gehad, wat nu wel meevalt. Maar hij begint terug te vallen, wat mij heel bang maakt. Ik begin langzaam weer na te denken over zelfmoord, ik hou echt van mensen in mijn leven. Maar al deze emoties en gedachtes worden mij teveel. Oh en er is wel een goed ding! Ik heb na een heftige week nieuwe medicatie en het werkt (voor nu) ik voel me lichamelijk beter. Niemand leest dit maar ja. Btw, als iemand mij beter wil leren kennen. Volg @auroraehh , dat ben ik. ❤
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#depressed #depressing #sad #worthless #ugly #fat #selfharmmm #cutting #cuts #eatingdisorder #ana #anorexic #bulimic #killme #blood #suicide #suicidal #triggerwarning #ideservetodie #iwannadie #anorexia

Nullkalorien Pille-3kg pro Woche abnehmen!
Ja, das ist mein leben. Überall thinspos, motivierende Ana Zitate, Schlankheitspillen, 7 tägige Hungerkuren, Ernährungstagebücher...
Tägliches Wiegen, Kalorienzählen,
Ständig mit den Gedanken beim Essen. Und dann kommt da diese Werbung. Nullkalorien Pille-3kg pro Woche abnehmen! Werden sie jetzt Tester. Manchmal erschrecke ich mich vor mir selbst, denn eigentlich, ja eigentlich, bin ich doch klug genug, um auf die verlockende Werbung der Diätindustrie nicht reinzufallen. Und doch... keine 2 Minuten später, erwische ich mich dabei, wie ich gefakte Bewertungen lese und auf das vermeintlich, limitierte Sonderangebot reinfalle, indem ich den Button "in den Warenkorb legen" anklicke. Kurz vor der Überweisung, wird mir dann doch klar, was ich da eigentlich gerade tue und breche den Kauf ab. Aber ein ziemlich großer Teil von mir streckt innerlich seine dürren, knochigen, krallenartigen Hände danach aus und schreit mich inbrünstig an, warum ich denn nicht, wie versprochen, alles dafür tue, um perfekt zu sein. Um dünn zu sein. Um ihrem Ebenbild zu entsprechen. Dem Ebenbild der totalen Perfektion.
#ana #bonespo #ed #eatingdisorder #obsession #truth #new #anorexia

Ice cream it is!!🌸
Tomorrow's a new week with new opportunities!🙌
I will have meeting with my psychologist, my doctor and have my first meeting with a physiotherapist - so 3 meetings.😅 Very nervous though, but I will keep fighting.💪
I will also have 2 tests in school - "yaaay"😥😂
What are you going to do?🙈
Sleep tight lovelies, keep fighting!💕

#edrecovery #edfighter #edwarrior #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #anorexi #anorexianervosa #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiarecovery #ätstörning #foodisfuel #eatittobeatit #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #chocolateicecream #rawfood #chocolate #nightsnack #nutrition #realrecovery #pintparty #2fab4ana #edwarriors #edsoldier #healthysnack #recoverywin #icecream #anarecovery #fooddiary

PM snack was this Graze punnet. I've done literally no exercise today (I've not even left the house) and ate an unbelievable amount of food so I feel really guilty. I'm watching a film with my mum and I think she knows I feel rubbish because she keeps asking if I'm okay. I'm just going to distract myself until the guilt (hopefully) passes.
I've had such a lovely day and my mum has been so happy all day which is the main thing! sleep well gals, tomorrow's a new day 🌻

After services, I walked with my faith group to the gym. Instead of working out with them, I did my weekly weigh in and said my goodbyes- a decision made even harder by the number I saw and the girls 'encouragement'. "Come on, don't miss out! Just 10 minutes and I promise you won't want to leave!"...... yeah, that's exactly what I was afraid of. I told them I had my second round of midterms coming up and had lots of studying to do. "Don't be lazy, just a quick run, come on girl!" I shook my head quickly and dashed out. But every step got slower and slower until finally I stopped and turned around. I could still go back. I gained a pound this week- which I expected, since I drastically cut back exercise and maintained the same intake. I could "take care" of that pound. I took a tiny step back to the gym, and then I looked up at the sky. Overcast. It reminded me of Hallie @riiiptide . And I immediately remembered. That I don't have to listen to ED. That I could be healthy and happy and in blissful love one day like her. If only I resist. If only I FIGHT. If only I recover. I turned around and walked back to my apartment. I ate breakfast despite the burden of enormous guilt. My stomach has been in knots all day from anxiety, but I've kept myself busy. Cleaning, meal prepping, self care, laundry- I've been a whirlwind, but anything to get my mind off wanting to workout. I will NOT give in. I love you all and I hope you guys have a superb Sunday 💖
#breakfast #coffee #soymilk #snickerdoodle #eggwhiteoats #proats #protein #zoats #applepie #apple #fruit #cinnamon #oats #oatmeal #oatbowl #pb #peanutbutter #natural #healthyfats #proteinpowder #carbs #veggies #zucchini #eattherainbow #recoveryisworthit #eattogrow #restday #flaxseed #sunday

Very busy few days and I have been keeping more to myself. Trying to get back to being active on here. 💕

Breakfast was 6 weetbix and 3 packets of raisins (there were no bananas left this morning 🖓), all swimming in 300mL of lite milk!! Trying to be productive this morning. Today I don't have uni until 2pm and then i might be briefly meeting up with a mate in the city afterwards, before his flight home. Hopefully it won't cause me to be too late with dinner at 6 and then on monday's I have kitchen duty starting 6:30 and at 7 is the hostels "community meeting" 😩😩😩. Goal is though to start and finish editing my essay today so I can enjoy tuesday off (from THIS assignment but not all study 😭) before handing it in on Wednesday!! /// trying to stay positive with food. My body image is balancing on thin ice... like any moment it will plummet to rock bottem. I think i have gained a teeny bit? But then i dont know either. I'm getting worried i'm gaining squdgy-fat around my midsection 😷. I'm trying to encourage myself that I have the correct MINIMUM set for myself and i just need to stick at it. The bloating is definately back 😩. Probably just need to give it some time 🙃 and not focus on body image 🙃 ... or others...

Gunna start logging out of this account for longer periods of time starting tomorrow because I'm so stressed with a level exams coming up which like my whole life count upon and I waste so much time on this account when I could be revising or doing work and my grades are slipping. Dm me if you want my number but I'll try and update when I can if anyone cares. I love you all so so so so much you all deserve so much happiness and freedom which you will not get in the grips of an eating disorder. Keep fighting and I'll always be thinking of you ✨❤

Interracial relationships w @positivitypoppa 👏🏽👏🏻

Only 50 years ago it would have illegal in some parts of the USA for me to marry the love of my life and there's still some of the dust flying around from that in the form of stereotypes/discrimination.
Some people (such as my grandad) still are NOT comfortable with the idea of mixed relationships.

We don't look like the traditional cookie cutter relationship and for some reason this can invite some annoying ass questions...
'Do you only date/find Indian people attractive?'.. our love isn't a fetish.
'Are his family offended, I bet they wish you were Indian?'
'Aren't you worried your child will be bullied?'
'You don't see many Indian/Caucasian couples... don't you feel weird'
REMEMBER, curiosity is okay but invasive and inappropriate questions are not. Check your language.

And then of course there's the racist slurs my son has been subject too from
'What a waste of white genes on a mongrel'
To 'it's always mixed race children that are misbehaved'
A persons race or the mix of their race is NEVER an invitation for discrimination.
Eli will be raised to be able to rise above it but i hope for a world that he doesn't have to.

Our love is pure love; black, white, blue, orange or purple... love is love.
💛💛💛💛

EAT A PIZZA TO CHALLENGE YOURSELF OR NOT TO CHALLENGE YOURSELF MAYBE LIKE A TUESDAY IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO HAVE BUT JUST EAT PIZZA KIDS BECAUSE IT IS THE BEST FOOD! 🍕😊I'm not going to lie and say I haven't struggled abbot with good today, and that anorexia didn't talk me into restriction- but what's important is I recognise that, and it's something I'm working on, and so instead of having one of the light pizzas like I was toying with, I decided to have a proper pizza, because that is what I WANTED!! pizza is honestly my fave food, I don't find it too challenging but I do at restaurants, as I always freak out that they're gonna add extra cheese or something stupid- but if they do, then who's actually winning? Oh yeah, the girl who fucking loves a big fat cheesy pizza 🍕 also had garlic cheese bread for starter, because garlic bread is bae let's be real 💁🏻hope you've all had a great end to your weekend!! 💖

Toute petite faim ce soir, je n'arrive pas à digérer mes tartines de Nutella de cet après-midi... Mon estomac a bcp trop rétréci c'est n'importe quoi 😞😰
. . .
Mais je ne voulais pas clôturer cette journée parfaite sur un échec, et ma maman 👩 m'a caché des petites surprises dans mon sac de courses : des Lulu l'ourson ! 😱😱😍 mon goûter préféré quand j'étais petite 😍🐻🍫 alors ni une ni 2, j'ai écouté mon envie et un petit Lulu s'est retrouvé dans mon bidou en guise de #nightsnack 🙌
. . .
Je vous souhaite une bonne soirée et une bonne nuit, je suis usée 😴 bisous mes pandas, je vous aime, et encore merci d'être là chaque jour 😘😘❤🐼

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