Today is Nub's official due date. I'll never know if it was a daughter or a son, if they would have had my eyes or my husband's ears. They could have been born earlier than today, being held close to my heart, or I could be lovingly scolding them for being overdue today. Of all the outcomes, this one hurts the worst right now--there is no baby, there is no Nub, and all I'm left with is the memory of my happiest 12 days in the last 8 years, followed by the very worst.
Also, due to massive budget cuts (due to losses at my work), I am also now unemployed, so I am here at home, stressing over money while I remember that today was supposed to be so very different.
I don't recognize or want this life. How did I get here?
#lost #miscarriage #infertilitysucks #infertilitycommunity #earlyloss