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#earlyloss

MOST RECENT

So today I cried in the toilet, not sure why I chose the toilet to cry today but it felt right.
What doesn't feel right is that every fortnight I work 30 extra hours on top of my normal job, to pay for IVF.
It doesn't feel right that I am preparing myself both emotionally and physically for a very real, raw and tough experience. The results are unknown and I feel out of control, out of my depth and pretty much out of my mind.
After suffering through miscarriage after miscarriage, multiple ectopics and one awful missed miscarriage I am not close to feeling ready.
On a very romantic date, my husband and I purchased what looks like a drug stores worth of needles, a sharps bin and a very huge and scary looking fee estimate and started our journey towards replacing all the feelings of pain from our losses to feelings of hope towards our future.
#welcometoourjourney #recurrentmiscarriage #IVF #rainbowbaby #miscarriage #angelbaby #pregnancy #pregnancyloss #ivfbaby #bearsofhope #sandsaustralia #earlyloss

I'm taking a break from social media.
I wish I could say that life was wonderful but right now it feels everything but.
I know it's just a bad week and not a bad life but this journey to become parents has me feeling really jaded.
I'm constantly asking myself "why me". The way our first cycles played out and what we are dealing with right now in our second cycle makes me feel some emotions I've never felt before.
Dealing with failed cycles, a chemical pregnancy and now an impending miscarriage, it's something I thought I'd be okay handling publicly but this time around I am finding comfort away from social media and I just don't want to share.
Once my body decides what's going to happen we will move on to a third cycle with a new doctor and new medication but I'm not sure I want to share that journey like I have this far.
Because honestly, sharing heartbreak is no fun.
At this point in my journey I'm tired of seeing other people get their happy ending and it's time to remove myself.
I have surrounded myself with so much infertility stuff that it's literally all I see and I need a break.
Isolating myself in times of sadness may not seem like the best action I could take but for me, right now, finding comfort in the few close friends I have and in my husband, my father and our little family, is enough.
I appreciate the love and support I have received from so many of you and I hope you will continue to talk about difficult topics with friends and loved ones.
I'm sure I'll be back soon, but for now I need time to deal with the current state of limbo we are living in and figure out just how I feel about it 💜

#infertility #infertilitysucks #chemicalpregnancy #earlyloss #earymiscarriage

Today is Nub's official due date. I'll never know if it was a daughter or a son, if they would have had my eyes or my husband's ears. They could have been born earlier than today, being held close to my heart, or I could be lovingly scolding them for being overdue today. Of all the outcomes, this one hurts the worst right now--there is no baby, there is no Nub, and all I'm left with is the memory of my happiest 12 days in the last 8 years, followed by the very worst.
Also, due to massive budget cuts (due to losses at my work), I am also now unemployed, so I am here at home, stressing over money while I remember that today was supposed to be so very different.
I don't recognize or want this life. How did I get here?
#lost #miscarriage #infertilitysucks #infertilitycommunity #earlyloss

Another successful @motherlessdaughtersretreats at @1440multiversity — 31 women and so many stories shared.

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