6 days ago I posted a few questions here including, are you afraid to be true to you?
I'm not afraid to be true to me. I used to be. Now I refuse to be. I refuse to reduce myself for the comfort of others. I will not coddle other people at my expense and harm. I'm not going to pay the price of worrying about being afraid that people will be offended by my future writings. Because they will. I will write honestly and I will write things that will touch darkness within you that you thought you could ignore.
Moving through past trauma and PTSD symptoms have been incredibly challenging these past years. I still occasionally see one person who triggers me, but as of the other day on sighting, he didn't trigger me as much. I wasn't the one who was uncomfortable for once. There was no panic, no racing heartbeat, less anxiety and a rage that made me stand taller. I'm the Harry Potter to his Voldemort.
I've faced my internalised oppression and racism, yes racism. My deep feeling of never belonging anywhere as a biracial woman. My deep feeling of never being fully understood. My deep feeling of anger that this is how it is for me.
An existential crisis and dropping into my abyss last year meant that I questioned everything. I questioned everything about me. I questioned everything about every single person whose books I've read, whose courses, programs and events I paid for and attended. I dove into further questioning this exploration and personal crisis through the lenses of social justice, racism, oppression, privilege and patriarchy. I saw the connections between their work and these issues. I saw how their teachings caused me more harm. I stacked up the books and in my mind, I burned them. I'll never read them again.
Tomorrow I'm publishing my poem titled Fever Pitch, on my Patreon account for my patrons eyes only. A small snippet will be published here.
If you'd like to support my writing, my creations and my activism, you can join me on Patreon from just $2/month. 📷 from @dansology