I took the day off school, with the intention of overdosing (the lethal amount) this afternoon. I pretended to be sick around my dad, and I was going to do it around noon.
As you can tell, I didn't do it. For many things.
My grandmother emailed me about how proud of me she was (she has no clue about this, nor does anyone else I know), and that she hoped to see me pursue a career in art.
I was reading over old messages to my friends, and reading old birthday cards. They made me smile.
Also old diaries, and journals that I had written, a long time ago, how happy I was, it was adorable to see those after so long.
I went through my phone, and was going to delete pictures + personal stuff, but I ended up scrolling through so many memories.
I even started to write a note, while listening to my favorite music, when I tried to come up with a reason that would console whoever found me, and my friends. I couldn't. Because no matter what I would write, it would leave unanswered questions.
So yeah, I was a few minutes away from killing myself fully this time, and I stopped myself. I realized it wasn't worth it, at least not at this time. I have too many things I still have to do, even though it's very difficult.
I will try to get better and focus on my mental health, and try to get my grades up.
I am trying my best, and that's all I can do. One day I'll get better
Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood