My life is going really really well, everything is coming up millhouse as the saying goes. It doesn’t matter how much progress I make or how many good days I have, their is still the heaviness in the darkness that follows me everywhere. Some days that darkness is easy to carry around, some days i can even forget it exists, some days are a painful reminder. My anxiety can be triggered by anything, especially when my body feels it’s against me. I am strong, I am stable, but I still need support, love and people. I have an amazing partner, who loves me when I’m most unloveable, who choose me no matter what. I have her and I don’t need much more, but I do need my friends, I do need my family and no matter how good I’m doing, I still feel incredibly alone. I’m sorry for all the people I pushed away, I’m sorry to the family I hurt with my stupid choices, I’m sorry for choosing a person crazier than myself over the people who have always loved me, I’m sorry to anyone it may seem I stopped caring about, I still care, you’re still I’m my thoughts. I needed to give more of me to myself, I needed to remind myself I could still feel, even if those were horrible feelings. I can’t make excuses as I have none, just apologizes and explanations. I’m lucky to be doing so well, I’m so lucky to have @cheyenne.paul back in my life, and I would be blessed if my family and friends would come back into my life. I’ll keep pushing to be a better person, for me, and for everyone who ever doubted I could change. I’ll always be clinically bipolar but I’ll also always be so much more than that.
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