I have had a(nother) wake up call,
It presented itself to me within
One of those weird dreams when you are aware that you are not fully asleep but also not awake.
When I am overwhelmingly stressed, one physical trait that will present itself is that I will clench my stomach, poise my jaw, and hold my breath.
In my half awake state early this morning, I was completely conscious of a string.
This string was attached to my belly button and tied to my jaw.
D has been sick all week and it has had me distraught. Traveling, it is only him and I. With every decision and his health in my hands,
It opened a weakness that I possess, that I am not as strong and independent as I had perceived myself to be. I depend on him so much and while he slept in a fevered state, It opened up another door to my vulnerabilities that I have tried to keep shut.
This string was cranking tighter and tighter. I could feel my jaw opening,
My head and my womb being pulled closer together.
I was folding into myself.
I woke up feeling so much energy trapped within me.
I have suppressed all of the anxiety of his health and the stress of the burdens this week has brought physically within myself.
Boiling and bouncing around, begging to be released.
He woke up better today.
It is strange how the body will communicate with you. Trying to let you know "this is what I need!" I try to control so much of my life, to the point that I let it distort my body.
Everyday is a battle for me to keep peeling back the layers of my onion. And right now I am facing the layer of control.
Learning to release what I can not control but also how to embrace that I have no control.
Today I am implementing my stress reduction plan to help build my stress management skills and I encourage you to come with me🦋