After my first baby was born, everyone kept asking me, “Isn’t it amazing?” “Don’t you just love being a mom?” As much as I loved my little man, my world felt very dark.
I cried all the time. I zoned out to cope. I felt stuck and hopeless. I felt like a terrible mom. I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until my baby was 10 months old.
I remember very clearly driving down the road by my house. It was a warm, sunny day. It was like the world moved into focus. Like I could fill my lungs all the way up with air, if just for a minute. I remember thinking how this must be how people normally feel. It gave me hope but made me sad.
I wish things had turned around that day. They got much worse, actually. I wish I’d been willing to get on medication sooner. I wish I’d shared how I was feeling. I am 100% certain I would have postpartum depression even worse this second time around if I wasn’t on medication.
There is a new post on my blog about what I am doing differently this time. ✨Link in bio